Private Emotion
by Addie's Practice
Summary: ADDEK... After his post it wedding Derek realizes that everything its not like he thought it would be.. what happens when he starts to miss his ex-wife?... Please give it a chance
1. Prologue

**I do not own Greys Anatomy or Private Practice. They belong to Shonda Rhimes..**

**This is my first fic, I'm co-writing with** Marchingon 

**Give it a chance!**

**

* * *

**

**Prologue**

What started out as a fairly normal day in Seattle finished off to be something all together out of the ordinary. But for just that morning,, it was a normal day within the halls of Seattle Grace Hospital. Doctors, nurses, patients, orderlies; all everywhere doing their usual things, except for Derek Meredith who were, at the moment, leaving the OR. They were upset, which in itself wasn't exactly out of the ordinary because they were Derek and Meredith, and it was but natural that they squander about the halls of the hospital bickering at each other. But they were upset, and everyone could see right through them.

"Derek…"

He was walking a few feet ahead of her, or really, striding. And he didn't turn to face her as she kept pace behind him.

"What do you want me to say? Do you want me to say I'm sorry? Because I am, sort of. But god, I didn't mean to do it!" Her voice was slightly raised, and the frustration was evident in her tone. She was running on 48 hours without sleep and only a cup of coffee every 3 to keep her standing, and she wasn't appreciating the way Derek was treating her.

That statement seemed to get to him, because the moment the words were let out, he stopped dead in his track abruptly, and turned to face her.

"You didn't mean to do it? Seriously?" he half-bellowed, drawing attention to the spectacle of them both. But he didn't quite care because he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You didn't mean to do it? Now, really, that makes me feel a whole lot better, like _that_'s supposed to make things okay," he said, rolling his eyes sarcastically.

Meredith sighed, simultaneously running a hand through her hair and looking at him pleadingly. "Derek," she said quietly, not really comprehending what got him so worked up. "What's wrong with you?"

She had noticed he was pulling away from her for a time now, and although she couldn't say she knew of no reason why he would, she couldn't grasp why he was taking it out on her on a surgery.

Unfortunately, that question had triggered something more petulant in Derek, and stared at her incredulously.

"What's wrong with me? I cannot believe you have the audacity to ask me that. First off, a man just died on the table. Do you want to know why? Because I trusted you blindly. It was a simple procedure, but you very well had to screw it up. And here you are, asking my what's wrong with me? Like I shouldn't be affected by it? If any, _you_ should be the one angry at yourself for screwing up. So I think the question here is what's wrong with _you_?

"You're a third year resident. Years of experience would have taught you how to do a simple procedure with ease. My god, even an intern could do it! But apparently, you of all people couldn't."

Meredith looked up at Derek's hard voice, the disappointment and frustration laced heavily in the manner with which he spoke to her. But she couldn't grasp why Derek was blaming her, why it was all her fault, why it was wrong to be uncaring. As doctors, you're programmed to dehumanize yourself, and she was merely defending herself.

"Get over it," she said petulantly. "The man came here and he was almost dead anyway."

A look of sheer disbelief crossed Derek's features. He couldn't quite comprehend that Meredith was being utterly immature about the situation. He huffed, knowing that if he continued on, he would engage himself in a tirade that would make a spectacle out of both of them.

He stared at her hard and intently, lowering his voice to try to retain the last bit of calm in his body. "You are behaving immaturely, Dr. Grey," he said coldly. "And I refuse to talk to you when you behave like this."

He turned his heel and started to walk away when he heard Meredith call behind him, and it was nothing short of severe tolerance that prevented him from hurling the nearest heavy object he could find.

"It's not like I want to talk to you when you act like this too, _Dr. Shepherd_," she called, emphasizing the formality. "You get too emotionally attached to your patients that when you lose them, you shut yourself out from the rest of the world, as if that makes things better. You think you're a god, Dr. Shepherd. But you're not. You're human. We're all human. And we all make mistakes. Even an ass like you."

With that, she walked away from him, leaving him with his jaw fallen ever so slightly in shock. It took a moment for him to regain his composure and walk swiftly to his office, where he locked the door the moment he was inside.

Things were going smoothly downhill, both for himself and his relationship with Meredith. That much he was sure of. But what he didn't get was _why_. He knew that after he divorced Addison, maybe even before, all he wanted was to be with Meredith, to get that perfect family with the while picket-fenced home, a minivan and a dog. He knew for sure he was looking forward to it, to being with her. But somewhere along the road, he gradually pulled away, as if his dreams didn't think too far off into the future, but merely what he wanted the next day to be like, or maybe even the evening to turn out.

His life was a mess. He thought that by now, at his age, he would've settled down and found stability in his life. But he was far from it. He lived in his girlfriend's apartment, with her friends. It was like a big sorority house day in and day out, and he couldn't find the quiet he'd been looking for. He'd broach the subject to Meredith, but she'd end the conversation saying that her friends needed her. If he were being immature, he would say that he needed her too. But what surprised him was that he didn't find it in himself to argue anymore. What's worse was that he recognized the feeling; these were the signs that should've told him his relationship with Addison was on the rocks.

But he shook his head and sat on the chair behind his desk, resting his elbow on the table and his face on his palm. It was moments like these that he would admit, at least to himself, that he was lost; that the plans he had made when he was young was nothing compared to the life he was currently living. He thought he was on the right track, when he married Addison that is. And then she cheated and he was too blinded by anger to realize what kind of derailment he was subjecting himself into. Because that was what he was, a derailed train. And all he needed was to get back on track.

However, deciding that this wasn't the time to worry about his personal life, he sighed and resigned himself to going over the chart of his dead patient. The one Meredith had killed, by the way. If there were anything he was going to do in a situation like this, it would be to bury himself in work over and over again until someone or other would pull him back to reality and make him see that there's life outside the hospital.

But because right now no one would disturb him in his cloistered office, he resolved to review his patient's chart. So he reached for it from where it lay on his desk and picked up. He was about to open it when he noticed something on his desk from where the chart had originally lay. The sensation that filled his body unnerved him, for what was on the desk was something both familiar and eerily so.

It was a picture of him and Addison on their wedding day, looking into each other's eyes and smiling, anticipating their future. They both looked so in love, so happy, and he couldn't help but think how naïve they had been that time. He gingerly picked the photo up, sighing as he did so.

Not only did he think Addison had thrown away all photos, but he was sure he had locked all of them up somewhere so he didn't have a painful reminder of what he used to have. But the picture was there now, resting between his fingers as he stared at it, his heart clenching. In his most honest of times, he would admit he missed his ex-wife, missed the comfort they once had and the dreams they once shared with each other.

But before he could act on it, before his mind could linger on the less than desirable thoughts pertaining to Addison, his pager beeped, signaling that once again, his personal life had to wait and give way for other people's lives to be saved.

In the meantime, whilst Derek was busy saving lives and blocking out that image of Addison and him on their wedding day, Meredith was busy rethinking her argument with Derek. In retrospect, she knew she was being irrational when she said the patient was almost dead anyway. Part of a doctor's oath is to save a patient, to try your best regardless of the situation. And she didn't keep her end of the bargain because she was way too stressed to deal with an even more stressed Derek. This being said, she realized she killed a patient because she couldn't be the bigger person and let Derek steam off.

She wasn't blind. If any, she was very sensitive to the fact that Derek hadn't been himself in quite a while. And although she would try her best to keep the spark aglow in their relationship, she had to admit that the effort was tiresome, sometimes even futile. Derek had a mind of his own and she couldn't force him to be someone he wasn't.

At any rate, however, because she was feeling like a lousy doctor and she really just needed one problem solved by the end of the night, she resigned herself to trying to make it up to Derek.

She found him two hours after their fight, exiting an OR, and she grabbed it as an opportunity to make amends.

"Hey," she greeted, a slight smile on her face. But she was nervous, and her hands dug into her scrub pants unsurely.

He looked up and nodded. "Hey yourself."

She kept pace with him as he studied a chart. "I just wanted to say… I'm really sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to say the things I said. I didn't… I didn't mean for the guy to die."

Derek looked up from the chart and met Meredith's unsure gaze. "Okay."

"I really do admire your work. You're a very capable surgeon, and you not being emotionally connected with your patients will take away who you are as a doctor. So I'm sorry. What I did was wrong and well… just… please believe me."

He stopped in his walking and turned to face her, looking into her eyes intently before nodding. "I suppose I believe you. I'm fine, okay? Don't worry about it." He managed a slight smile.

Meredith grinned, and nodded, exhaling as relief filled her body. "Okay. So… well… how about I make it up to you?"

Derek raised his brow, signaling for her to continue.

"You, me, at home… on the bed. Without clothes, preferably," she suggested, the wicked tinkle in her eye not lost on Derek.

He cleared his throat but figured that it would be a win-win situation on both ends anyway. "Tonight then," he said.

She kissed him chastely on the lips and skidded off happily whilst Derek watched her back until she disappeared around the corner. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. If he were honest, he'd admit that a certain picture and a certain redhead that had been plaguing his thoughts for the rest of the afternoon caused his indifference. So to satisfy his curiosity, he set off and looked for the only person he knew would answer his questions without judging him too much: Miranda Bailey.

He found her leaning against the nurses' station reviewing a chart. She seemed to be in a good mood.

"Dr. Bailey," he greeted, flashing her his signature McDreamy smile. "Do you have a minute?"

She raised her brow at him, the signature Nazi way and went back to look at her chart. "You have exactly one minute, starting now. Unless it's about a patient."

Her reply unfazed Derek. "It actually isn't about a patient."

"Then get a move on it. You have 50 seconds."

"You were in LA a few months ago, right?" he asked, unconsciously talking faster in fear of that 50-second rule. Even he was afraid, even the tiniest bit, of Miranda Bailey.

She turned to him and closed the chart with a snap. "Yes. But you already knew that. You're wasting my time, McDreamy. Spit it out. You have 40 seconds," she huffed, placing a hand on her hip to emphasize her point.

His hand seemed to sweat in a matter of milliseconds, and he had no choice but to blurt it out. "How's Addison?"

This seemed to surprise Bailey, catch her off guard. She looked steadily into Derek's eyes. "Why do you care?" she asked, narrowing her gaze.

"I… it's just…" he stuttered, mentally berating himself for coming up with no coherent thought.

Miranda sighed. "Addison is _fine_," she said, emphasizing the word and leaving it at that. She started to walk away hurriedly to the elevator.

"Just fine?" Derek called out after her.

She stopped in her track and turned to face Derek. "Just fine," she confirmed, nodding her head and walking away.

So that was it. She was fine. And then what? He sighed, walking aimlessly as he thought of the possibilities the word fine meant. Was she fine, meaning she was satisfied? Fine, meaning she was content even if she wasn't happy? Was she fine, with a man by her side? Was she fine, coping?

There were a million thoughts running through his brain, and he found himself at the cafeteria, sitting on one of the outdoor tables and trying to clear his brain.

"What's up?"

Derek looked up at the sound of Mark's voice hovering above him. He watched him take a seat next to him, looking concerned. "What?"

"Come on, man. We grew up together. I think I know when something's bothering you."

"Mark…"

"Just spit it out. Is it about surgery, or like, sex and whatever?"

Derek rolled his eyes. "I had a fight with Meredith."

Mark's face fell. Even after all this time, relationship problems just weren't his area of expertise. "Oh."

"We had a fight about a patient and I locked myself in my office. And of all the things that could possibly go wrong today, I found a picture of Addison and me on our wedding day. It shouldn't be affecting me, but I've been thinking about her, us, since this morning and I can't get her out of my head."

"Maybe you just miss her," Mark shrugged.

"I don't know. I mean, I'm trying not to think about it. I was so sure that I felt nothing for her. When she came here with Archer, I didn't feel anything particularly romantic towards her. But that picture… it made me wonder if she's moved on, if she's with someone in LA. And it made me wonder about just how happy I am with Meredith."

"Okay."

"My point is… I've believed for so long that I stopped loving her," he said, his voice worried.

Mark cleared his throat. "Okay. Well. I think that seeing the picture just made you remember the good times you had together. Plus you found it at the most inconvenient time, right after a fight with Meredith. You're probably just over thinking it. So don't worry and just… it'll pass."

"You know, man. I really wish you were right. We were so happy back then, so happy that I can tell you how it feels. I remember it and I remember how light I felt with her."

Mark looked at him sympathetically, but before he could answer respond, Derek's pager beeped and he had to be whisked off to surgery once again.

Four hours had passed and Derek found himself arriving home, where his post-it wife was expecting him. He was still wondering about Addison, about what she was doing right now, if she was happy, and essentially things he shouldn't even be thinking about. He couldn't get her out of his mind, so he tried to concentrate on Meredith, hoping it would put things back to normal.

The moment he opened the front door, he was greeted by Meredith attacking him with a long and sensual kiss that lasted until they were up the stairs and in their bedroom. He gave in to her soft lips and reveled in the feeling of being with her.

"I love you," Meredith said breathily between kisses. "And I'm sorry for today."

Derek nodded. "Make-up sex?"

"Hell yes! I miss being with you."

He smiled. "Okay. It's just that… I'm pretty exhausted from today, you know?" He tried to assuage the fall by kissing her gently.

Meredith pouted. "Come on, Derek. It wouldn't take too much time, but it'll take away the stress."

He had to laugh at this, so he nodded and carried her to the bed. They took off each other's clothes and started grinding and kissing and sucking, Meredith on top so that Derek wouldn't be too tired. They were in the middle of the deed when Meredith noticed that Derek was hardly moving, only trying to keep awake to appease her.

"Der… come on. I know you said you were tired but I'm doing all the work here."

He sighed. "Addison, I love you. But I told you I was tired," he said between yawns.

Meredith stopped abruptly, her eyes widening as she got off from on top of Derek. "What did you just call me?"

Derek opened his eyes in confusion. "What? What do you mean?"

She raised her brow at him. "You just called me Addison," she stated, her voice rising.

He sat up, really now knowing what Meredith was talking about. "What? No, I didn't," he answered defensively. Besides, even if he did, it wasn't intentional.

"Yes you did," Meredith insisted, her voice weary but angry. "Just… please leave. Get out. I don't know, but it's obvious you were thinking about her. I mean, come on! It's been four freakin' years since you got divorced, and still you think about her. And now… now you're calling me by her name? Get out. "

He tried to explain, but really, there was nothing to explain because he couldn't deny that he was thinking of a certain redhead, possibly for the rest of the day. "Mer… why don't you let me explain?"

"Explain? There's nothing to explain, Derek. I thought you were mad, tired, but when we're having sex, make-up sex at that, and you call me Addison, that's not something I'm going to take lightly! We were having sex, although my we I may very well just mean me, and I was doing all the work, and then you spring this on me? No, Derek. There's nothing to explain! What? Are you cheating on me? Are you off seeing her?"

"Meredith! Would you listen to yourself? You think I'm cheating on you with someone who's 400 miles from here, in a different city, in LA, while I'm always at work? When I'm not at work. I'm with you! I don't have to tell you that she doesn't mean anything to me anymore. You should know that by now. I just had a hard day at work, and you know that better than anyone else. So don't go about saying these things! I know you're tired, but god, this isn't justifiable!"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "You do not get to bring the patient into this! I thought we were over that? Apparently, you're not. So please, appease my confusion and just leave. Get out of here."

Derek sighed, knowing there was no other choice but to do so. So he grabbed his clothes and dresses himself, running a hand through his hair unsurely. "I'm leaving, but only because you're asking me to."

When she didn't answer, he merely walked out of the door and left.

* * *

**Please tell me what you think!**


	2. Chapter 1

**I do not own Greys Anatomy or Private Practice. They belong to Shonda Rhimes..**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

* * *

Derek spent the night in an on call room at the hospital, too tired to think about what had happened, or its implications on his relationship with Meredith. He didn't get a wink of sleep, only plagued with thoughts of his ex-wife, the last two years of their marriage, and how he treated her like shit. He had ignored her, and pushed her into the arms of another man. And although it's four years too late, he had never had this kind of realization before, even at the brink of their divorce. He suddenly had an urge to see her, to make sure she was okay, so that he could finally lay to rest the memory of the once strong Montgomery-Shepherd marriage.

He decided that the only way he could move forward was to confront Addison, and find peace of mind that she was in a far better place than when she was with him. So he decided to talk with the chief, because he knew the chief cared for him like a son and would understand his needs, even if at the moment, they were unfounded.

Derek found himself in front of Richard's office, knocking and waiting anxiously for the chief to beckon him in.

"Come in.," Derek heard him call, so he opened the door and entered.

"Good morning, Chief."

"Shep, it's you. How are you?" the chief greeted, motioning for Derek to take a seat.

Derek took a seat. "I'm fine," he said. "But I think I'll better once I've spoken to you."

The chief raised his brow at him. "Do you need anything?" He was concerned.

"I need three days off," he started. "For personal reasons. I'm leaving the city."

"Is there anything wrong?" the chief asked him, narrowing his gaze at Derek. He was worried, that was for sure. But more than that, his curiosity was getting the better of him, too.

"Look," Derek explained. "I know what you're going to say. But if I don't do this now, I won't be able to let this down for the rest of my life."

The chief repositioned himself from where he was sitting behind the desk. "I don't understand."

Derek sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose at the onset of a headache. "I just… I need to see her, Richard. I need to see her. I ignored her when she was here, and whenever she comes to visit, I treat her horribly. Everything I've done towards her is catching up on me and I have… I have to apologize. I need to tell her I'm sorry. And maybe it's too late but I suppose I have to tell her I need her, too. I need her," he repeated, his voice bordering on desperate.

It was Richard's turn to sigh. "Derek. This comes as a warning. You know I love you both as if you were my own kids, but I'm telling you. It's a bad idea. You shouldn't go. You're still with Meredith, and you marching over to LA to give false hopes will only hurt her. You have to think all of this through," he advised, knowing it wasn't going to turn out prettily if Derek acted on instinct.

"Chief, trust me. I can't promise it won't be emotional, but I'm going to try my best not to hurt her. I just need to see her. And maybe… if I'm honest with myself," he gulped. "If I'm honest with myself, I'll admit that a part of myself never stopped loving her… or something," he continued confusedly. "I don't. I don't know why I'm feeling this way, especially now after three years. But I know that if I don't do anything about it now, I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life."

Richard stared at him intently, trying to read his thoughts, his intentions. Derek was a fairly logical man, trying hard not to act on his emotions. But before him was a man just as confused as he was when he was at the brink of leaving Adele. He sighed. "All right. But please, don't make her hope. Don't tell her you love her or you miss her if you don't mean it, or worse, if you're not planning to act on it. It's only going to hurt her. Now, I know it isn't my place, but the two of you tried and lost your chance." He paused, not knowing what else to say. "Just try to do the right thing."

"I… I can't really promise you that, but I'll try. It's never too late," he said, suddenly anxious as he stood up abruptly. "Thanks, chief. Just… thank you."

With that he walked out of Richard's office, barely hearing the chief yell at him about meaning what he said. He was walking, or really, striding, because he was given permission to see Addison. And he was. He was going the see the beautiful redhead that had been occupying his thoughts day in and day out.

He was walking rather excitedly, planning all the things he was going to say to Addison when he saw Meredith talking with Cristina. He sighed, knowing he would have to talk to her.

He saw Cristina leave Meredith, and he took his chance to come up to her.

"You're avoiding me," he stated, ignoring Meredith's wary look. "And you're ignoring me. But I haven't seen you today and we have to talk."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't want to talk to you, not right now anyway."

He sighed. "Fine. But I'll have you know that I'm going out of town today. I'll be back Monday morning. So, since you're not talking to me, that'll make it easier."

Meredith's eyes widened at the news. Derek was leaving town unexpectedly. "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to Connecticut this weekend to see Nancy. You remember her, right? My sister?" He was lying, obviously, but he couldn't tell her that he was going to gallivant around LA to see Addison.

"Oh." Meredith's face fell. "She hates me," she stated, her nose wrinkling. "Okay. Well… go. I wouldn't come with you even you invited me anyway."

He didn't know if he was going to be appalled, angry, or left laughing. So he merely nodded, slightly relieved. "See you Monday then."

"You're seriously going?"

"Yeah. She called me, told me she needed to see me. So yes, I'm going. But it's only a weekend Mer. You're not going to die, or whatever."

"Fine," she said haughtily. "Take care of yourself." She was still mad at him, obviously, she merely walked away without saying goodbye, knowing that the next time she would see him would be Monday morning.

**IN LA**

The co-op doctors were having coffee at the practice's kitchen, a daily routine they had all come to appreciate since all the Pacific Wellcare drama. Addison was chatting with Naomi about someone or other guy she was going to date, but cancelled last minute.

Naomi looked at Addison worriedly. After all these years, she was still trying her very best to take care of Addison, to look out for her even when Addie was too proud to admit she needed someone too. "Addie, are you sure you don't want me to come over your house tonight? I mean, you're going to be alone anyway, and I could bring some really good cheesecake over. Maybe some wine too," she suggested.

Addison rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, Nae. Don't worry. Just because he cancelled doesn't mean I'm depressed, or that I need a pity part. Seriously. He cancelled. It's his loss. So really, I just want a quiet evening tonight. I want to be alone, maybe get a little drunk… and wallow in the mess I call my life."

Nae sighed. "Adds, you don't have to blame yourself for everything, you know? Some guys are asses so not everything's your fault."

She raised a perfectly arched brow at Naomi, her eyes somewhat disbelieving. "Really? Because I seem to remember all the other guys I've dated or had sex with to go running to the hills. All of them did, Nae, so clearly the problem's with me. Derek, Mark, Alex, Pete, Kevin, Wyatt, Noah… hell, even that guy who put my shoe in his ass! They're all either married or dating someone else. And maybe they weren't really the best choices I've made but….," she sighed. "I really just want to be alone tonight."

Addison looked at Naomi pleadingly, willing her to understand that she didn't need anyone telling her it would be better, because it would verify the fact that she were in rock bottom.

Naomi just looked at her concernedly.

"I have patients waiting for me in my office," Addison said, standing up straight from where she was leaning on the counter. "I'll see you later."

Addison left, knowing she was deflecting, avoiding all her problems and throwing herself into work. And although she knew Naomi was just worried about her, trying to help, there really was nothing else anyone could do because the problem lay with Addison, and only Addison could fix it.

An hour later, Addison found herself finished with all her patients. She couldn't very well get adjusted to the infinitesimal number of patients she had in a day, considering she was a surgeon and very used to having countless emergencies within the day. So packed up and left, fully intent on wallowing in self pity at home. She was going to spend the evening by herself, drinking wine, and reminiscing over all the failed relationships she ever had in her life. She was half-depressed, half-desperate, especially considering her age. She was entering a mid-life crisis, but she wouldn't admit that, not even to Naomi.

Meanwhile, Derek found himself in an LA taxi, giving the cabbie directions to Addison's home. He would sheepishly admit that he had googled his ex-wife, and the home she owned right in front of a beach. Fifteen minutes after leaving the airport, he was standing in front of a beautiful property that he knew Addison had meticulously chosen and designed.

Without a second thought, he walked up to the front door and rang the bell, unconsciously digging his hands into his pocket as he awaited someone to pad across the hall and open the door.

And as he waited, he was panicking deep inside. He knew she was going to hate him for this, for ruining whatever sense of sanity she had come up with in LA. What was he thinking? What he doing? And he knew, he knew he was going the screw up.

This was a bad idea. But before he could act on that realization, the front door swung open, revealing Addison clad only in a ratty t-shirt, her right hand clutching a goblet of wine, and her face showing complete surprise.

The last person she wanted to see was standing right in front of her, on her front step, and looking like he needed to see her desperately. Everything, everything was completely unexpected and shocking that she could come up with only a few set of coherent words.

"Derek? What are you doing here?"

* * *

**I'll update soon I promise! Please review and tell me what you think!**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N** Hey everybody, I'm sorry it took me like a month to update, my co- writer, _Marchingon,_ and I started college and we've been full with homework.. But anyway, here's the next chapter! **Thank you so much for your reviews, they're great!**

* * *

If Addison ever thought hallucinating a very concrete person whilst drunk was possible, she would've been a little calmer at the sight of Derek Shepherd standing so out of place outside her LA home. But she was a doctor, and she'd been drunk before, drunker than her current state, and she knew what she was seeing was a far cry from her mind playing tricks on her.

To say that she did not appreciate a complicated situation while she was bordering on full-blown inebriation was an understatement. She did not appreciate a knock on her door at an ungodly hour, she did not appreciate the unexpectedness of the presence of a man she had been trying to bury in the past, and she did not appreciate the drunken state she was in as she tried to comprehend how to react.

"Derek?" she asked incredulously, leaning heavily on the door to keep her balance. "What the fuck are you doing here?" The surprise was evident, and she didn't care for the propriety of her words.

Derek, on the other hand, stood there, his mouth slightly agape and trying to come up with something comprehendible. He didn't know what to say, and he started to question his presence when he realized all he wanted was to see her. And now that she was standing there, a gorgeous vision even in just a ratty t-shirt and a pair of boxers, he could not come up with anything. He was too busy admiring her in a way that he hadn't in a while, even before Seattle. It took a while before he could utter the words he knew only his heart could come up with, trying to convince Addison to at least listen to him.

"I…" he started, his insides panicking, trying to think of the right words to express his emotions.

Her look clearly told him she was pissed off, and he had to gulp back the frustration slowly rising in his throat.

"What?" she asked, her foot tapping on the floor irritably.

"I needed to see you," he said finally. "Don't ask my why because I don't know the answer to that. But I needed to see you, so I'm here."

Addison looked thoughtful for a moment, urging him to help her understand.

"I know it's been a while, and it probably would've been less unacceptable if I came earlier. But I'm here now and I _need_ to be with you."

His emphasis on the word need made her eyes bulge. Derek Shepherd had no right to knock at her door so suddenly, all to declare the need to be with her. It was something far from acceptable. She didn't need yet another complication in her life. And she certainly didn't need that complication to come from man who drove her to such a state.

She honestly couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Excuse me?" she whispered at first, until her voice steadily rose, escalating to incredulous hysteria. "You came here to see me? You came all the way from fucking Seattle to tell me you _need _me? Is this your idea of some sick joke?"

Her words were far from measured, but they conveyed her emotions well. Everything about her told him to back off, but when Addison tried to shut the door on his face, he forced his foot through the gap and pushed it wide open, entering her home and intruding on the her relative solace.

Addison was appalled. "What? Now you're going to force your way into my house? I could charge you for trespassing," she declared, mentally berating herself as the dizziness came and went, a sure sign of inebriation.

"Leave, Derek. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to see you. What the fuck, I don't even want to think of you. If you don't go, I will," she declared firmly, making her way past him to grab her car keys.

He stepped in front of her, ceasing her from her action and looking at her pleadingly. "I'm not going, and you're not going until I finish talking with you."

"So you're going to dictate my life now?"

"No!" he yelled, getting exasperated. He knew she was tipsy, and that she probably wouldn't remember a word of this in the morning. But he had to get it out of his system, by hook or by crook.

"I just want you to listen to me, Addison," he said more calmly. "Please. Let me talk to you."

"Talk about what? Talk about your perfect life, or my screwed up one? You want to talk about your perfect 12-year old, or that perfect ring your mother never gave me, or the perfect future you're planning with Meredith Grey?" she challenged. "Because I know all about your "perfection"," she said, air quoting, "and I don't want to hear it. I have nothing to say to you. You have nothing to say to me. There is nothing in this world that we have to talk about because I'm clearly drunk, and you're clearly out of your mind so we're both just royally fucked up!"

Her yelling had escalated, a defense mechanism she had tried to erect to protect herself. In her drunken state, she knew it was the only way she wouldn't get hurt again, because in all the years she pretended she was okay, deep down, she still had feelings for him. But the realization of her emotions would not bring her any good, because she had to come to accept the fact that they weren't meant to be together, and that he was happy with the woman he left her for. Therefore, seeing him in her house made absolutely no sense.

But to Derek, things were different. He didn't expect to see Addison drunk. He didn't expect to see Addison react so defensively. He didn't expect her to be so rash. He knew Addison had changed since the divorce, but he never quite grasped the idea of her changing to an almost exponential degree.

"No, Addie," he said, shaking his head but not matching her raised voice. On the contrary, he was quite calm, collected even. "I don't want to talk about Meredith. I want to talk to _you_. I want to talk about _us_."

"There's nothing to talk about," she answered haughtily. "And now that you've fulfilled the need to see me, you can get your ass right out of my house and flying back to Seattle."

Her words had a pleading undertone, and he had to sigh at her resistance. He didn't know what else to say to convince her. The only thing he thought of was getting straight to the point so that she'd be forced to listen.

"We had a fight," he said quietly, looking at his shoes whilst waiting for Addison to react. He had no idea as to the rightness of his actions, but it was the only thing he thought of saying, and he had to face the consequences.

"What?" Addison asked, the confusion clearly evident. She didn't know what he was talking about, and she didn't know why he was telling her this.

"Meredith and I," he said, standing straighter. "We had a fight this week."

She raised a brow at him, more confused than ever. "I don't get how it concerns me. I don't get your point. And mostly, I don't get why you had to fly all the way here to tell me you had a fight with your girlfriend, or post-it wife, or whatever you are nowadays."

"Well, maybe, if you let me finish, you would find the point," he answered knowingly, slightly frustrated too.

"Whatever."

It had to take all his willpower to stay as patient with Addison as possible. "We had a fight two days ago… over a patient—"

"I'm sorry but I still don't understand. If you fought over a patient, what does it have to do with me?"

Addison Montgomery was normally a very patient person. But the alcohol quantity in her system made her less than tolerable.

"My god, Addison, if you could just let me finish!" he almost yelled, getting more exasperated by the moment.

She stood slightly shocked at his raised voice, her mind unable to keep up with what was happening around her. So she merely nodded, and scratched her head.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "Anyway. We… we had a fight," he continued. "Aand after that, I found a picture of us on our wedding day. And now that I'm telling you this, I realize it sounds so stupid. But I can't help it. Since finding that picture I… I couldn't get you out of my head, Addie. I realized I miss us. I miss this. I miss _DerekandAddison_. I miss you. I want what we had before to come back."

He had just admitted the things he couldn't even word before he saw Addison. The things his pride had hindered him from saying came pouring out, without a pause to think of the implications of his words. Even he couldn't believe just how fast things had gone, and he stared at Addison's calculating face in desperation.

But Addison's shocked silence clearly told him she would not have any of it. She didn't believe him, his audacity, and his nerve to say things he should've while she was fighting for their marriage.

"Go to hell, Derek," she said finally. "Shut the fuck up and go to hell. You can't come barging into my home like this telling me these things. You were the one who ended things with us while I was trying to make things work. So you don't get to do this. You don't get to tell me you miss me, you don't get to expect that I'd pretend as if nothing ever happened between us. I'm not taking you back. You coming here is pointless. For god's sakes, you're just mad at Meredith, and now you're here, with your ex-wife? What's next, professing your undying love for me? You're a load of bull, Derek Shepherd."

"Addie…" he started, but she was already opening the door for him.

"We've had enough talking, Derek. Enough for a lifetime. Leave," she demanded.

But he was stubborn, standing his ground just like she did when he threw her out in the rain that fateful night. "I promised you I'd go when I was finished," he said, half-yelling.

"Well, I say you're finished. I don't have all nigh for you, Derek."

"I'm not here because of the fight with Meredith, or because of that picture. I'm here because somehow, the fight with Meredith and the picture made me realize the biggest mistake I've ever made in my life. Don't you see? You have to believe me, Addison. Letting you go was the single, most-life changing mistake I've ever committed, and I want a chance to correct that. I wouldn't come all the way here if I weren't serious."

He kicked the door close and grabbed her hand, looking deep into her eyes. "Please, Addison. You have to believe me."

She shook her head, but unable to get out of Derek's grasp. What seemed like an eternity had passed and she found herself being drawn to his body so close to her, his touch that sent shivers down her spine, his hot breath that transported her back to happier times with him. And as his lips slowly descended on hers, she realized she'd give anything to turn back time. But she couldn't. She wasn't stupid to let him do this to her again, so she pushed him away and backed up a step.

"No, Derek," she whispered. "I can't. I… You can't do this to me, after everything we've been through. I keep on trying to forget you, and you being here, right now, isn't helping me. Please. You were the one who decided for the both of us, and you were the one who was indifferent while I was trying to show you how sorry I was for what I did. But you made me feel like I was nothing, Derek. You made me feel like a fucking vapid stray dog, like dirt under your shoes. So you don't get to feel anything but pain here. You don't get an easy pass. You don't get to tell me you miss me, or that you miss what we had. You of all people should now how you treated me—"

"Addison, trust me! I know, I know that's a hard thing to do because I haven't exactly given you reason to trust me. But please. Trust me when I say I hate myself for hurting you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry about everything. It's just… you have to understand. When I'm with Meredith, all I can think of is you, how she's not you. So please, don't tell me it's too late."

"But it is too late, Derek! Maybe if you told me these things before you screwed my life up, then maybe I would've agreed with you. But not now, not after 4 years of being divorced. You made it very clear that you didn't love me when enough. When I left Seattle, you didn't even say bother to say goodbye. You didn't care that the whole hospital knew we were married for 12 years while you were off flirting, chasing Meredith Grey."

He listened to her intently, burning with shame as he realized all of it was true. It hurt to hear the truth, how broken she was while he paid no heed to her. But he could only take so much, and the only way to stop the agony was the pull her to him.

So that's what he did. He gently pulled her close to him and planted his lips firmly on her soft ones, kissed her passionately. She fought against him, tried to stop him, she was carried away in the moment eventually, and responded fervently to the kiss. All of the things running though their heads were that of fondness for their past, and how great it felt to be kiss each other again, after years of deprivation.

And then the passion turned sour when Addison was brought back to reality, when the gravity of the situation hit her full force even in her drunken state, and she pushed him away abruptly. She couldn't believe she had kissed him, allowed him to come creeping back into her consciousness and take hold of her heart once more.

"I can't Derek," she said, shaking her head and cursing herself for her stupidity. "I'm sorry, I can't."

"Why not?" he challenged, feeling himself alive again after years of being dead. Being with Addison had injected a different will to live, one that had slipped away from him when they separated. And he was left hungry for more, knowing full well that Addison was his constant.

"I just can't. I can't let this happen. Not again. You're married, and I don't want to be that girl," she answered, the confusion paired with determination.

And in that moment, he acknowledged that it was unfair for him to force himself on Addison. Even he knew he didn't deserve to be with her after years of indifference. He realized he was pushing her, making her go against her wishes, and that wasn't something he wanted. He wanted Addison to want him freely, because he couldn't take it if he ever hurt her again.

So he stepped back and looked into her eyes, allowing her the space she desperately needed. "If… if you can tell me straight to my face that you don't want this, then I'll go. I'll leave and I'll never bother you about this again. If you could tell me honestly this isn't what you want…"

She wanted him to stay, but she knew in her heart she didn't have to strength to fight for him. She didn't want to be a cheater; she didn't want to make a spectacle of herself by subjecting herself to the same masochistic pain that was very possible if she let Derek love her again. So she shook her head, thanking her now sobered-up mind that she still had the rationality to refuse him.

"I'm sorry, Derek. You have to go," she whispered, for that was all she could say.

He stood there, stunned and yet not stunned at all, and nodded. "I'll be back in the morning. I stay until Monday," he answered just as softly, controlling his emotions as he kissed her forehead and walked to the door.

"Oh, and one thing, Addie."

She lifted her head reluctantly and met his gentle gaze.

"That thing I asked you? You don't have to answer it. The kiss was an answer in itself."

With that, he walked out of the door and into the cold California wind. He would have to deal with his hurt alone, lest he unknowingly force Addison to stay with him. He was hurt, of course, though he knew he shouldn't have expected. But this was only the beginning. He would do everything in his will power to fight, to show Addison he was sincere and determined, because he would be damned if he didn't die fighting this time.

Addison, on the other hand, could do nothing more but ponder painstakingly at the events of that night, sipping yet another glass of wine to forget.

* * *

**A/N** What do you think? I'll try to update soon! Reviews make me update sooner :)


	4. Chapter 3

**Hey again! I'm sorry for the long wait for this chapter! I hope you like this one! **

**And again THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the reviews, you are just great! :)**

**Thanks again to Marchingon for helping me with this!**

* * *

The events of the night didn't sit well with the now sober redhead. She was bothered, and incredulous, wanting to convince herself that what had transpired was but a mere nightmare. But she couldn't. Nothing in the whole Derek-LA-kiss equation made sense, and the very thought of Derek Shepherd sent unconscious shivers down her spine.

She paced her room, brushing her teeth and letting her mind wander to the kiss she had shared with her ex-husband. It was blasphemous, and nothing short of sinful, but somewhere in the pit of her stomach, she knew she enjoyed it. It was wrong in every way, and she tried to shake the thoughts away as her mind was flooded with flashbacks of Seattle, and the hurt they had put each other through. Although the thoughts weren't pleasant, it was what she needed to remind her that a kiss, regardless of her drunken stupor, shared with her ex-husband, was the perfect recipe for disaster.

If she were honest with herself, she'd admit that a part of her longed to have Derek back. But it was in those quiet, honest moments, that she'd realize having Derek back meant more heartache, and that wasn't something she was willing to take.

Ridding herself of the thoughts, and trying to get her mind off of the confusion, she willed herself to shower quickly and get dressed. The earlier she was at the practice, the less time she had to think of her mess.

Driving speedily and parking, she took the elevator, tapping her foot impatiently as the contraption dinged on every floor. The elevator doors opened, and she put a big smile on her face. If any, she didn't want anyone to notice the stress she was in, or the headache she was currently feeling as a consequence of all the alcohol she took the night before.

She hoped the grin would hide all signs of imperfections, giving everyone the impression that there was absolutely nothing wrong and that not a certain Derek Shepherd came to knock on her door last night. Walking to the front desk, she smiled warmly at Dell and hoped she didn't look too awkward.

"Hey, Addison. Good morning!" Dell greeted, putting on a smirk at Addison's slightly disheveled appearance.

"Good morning," she greeted back, using her right hand to keep the hair from falling to her eyes. "Patients?" she asked hopefully.

She needed to use patients as a ploy to forget things, a habit that in retrospect was something quite similar to what Derek would have done. Burying herself in work and throwing herself into surgery after surgery had become second-nature to her, and she paid no heed to the voice at the back of her mind telling her she was a hypocrite.

Dell shook his head in answer. "Oh no, no patients yet. The first one comes in an hour. You're in pretty early."

Trying to suppress the disappointment in her tone, she nodded. "Yeah, wanted to get a head start for the day."

He nodded, agreeing. "I can see that. You must be expecting that doctor then."

Addison had to do a double take, and raised her brow in confusion. "Doctor?"

"A doctor came in, said he was here for a consult. I told him to wait in your office 'cause he seemed like a good friend of yours," he shrugged, mentally hoping Addison didn't mind him letting other people into her office. On second thought, it wasn't such a good idea to have had the doctor wait outside of the waiting area.

Finding it slightly odd, but thankful for the distraction nonetheless, Addison shrugged and nodded. "Okay," she answered simply, and turned to face her office

It wasn't exactly the last thing she expected, but it was most definitely the last thing she needed. There, in her office, sitting casually and talking on the phone, was her ex-husband in all his dreamy glory. She had to suppress the urge to run for the hills yet again, but she had to remind herself that she was a Montgomery, and that she was a fighter.

Although another confrontation was far from pleasant, she had to at least try to redeem herself from the drunken state he had first caught her last night. So, summing up all her strength, she walked to her office, letting her heels click twice as much than normal.

Meanwhile, Derek had been sitting in a certain Dr. Forbes-Montgomery's office for a good half-hour, waiting for her. He had been admiring the way her office had been designed, being transported back to a time & place when he memorized Addison's design choices and style. She wasn't exactly a minimalist, but she was classy and simple even if it wasn't obvious. It showed well in her office.

He was hoping to catch a decent conversation with her today, especially considering the rather awkward one they had had the night before. He had a feeling Addison wouldn't want him there, and want to throw him out immediately, but he had decided to stand his ground, at least until he had pleaded his case well.

The whole situation was very frustrating. He had no idea if Addison remembered a single word from the night before. But since he had decided, there was no other way but to face the music and ask her for another chance.

As he scrutinized the way she arranged her desk, he felt his mobile vibrate in his back pocket, and he knew instantly who was calling him. Although it was the last person he wanted to talk with, he couldn't simply ignore the call lest she suspect something of him.

Sighing heavily, he fished for his phone and pressed it his ear, trying to sound cheerful.

"Hey, Mer," he greeted.

"Derek," she answered, sounding a bit tired.

"How are you? I'm okay if you're gonna ask," Derek said, feeling uncomfortable at the mere thought of sharing a conversation with the blonde. If he were honest with himself, he'd know he was still mad at her for what had happened to their patient.

She sighed. "You know, you could at least sound happy to hear me."

Knowing there was not much he could say because she was right, he remained silent until she heard another deep sigh from the other end of the line.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound bitter," she said. "But I'm your wife, Derek" she continued, sounding frustrated. "I mean, the post-its should mean something, right?"

"Mer… please." He didn't know why he sounded condescending. Maybe he didn't want her to feel bad. Maybe he didn't want her to be suspicious.

"No, Derek. The post-its say love each other even when we hate each other. And I know these past couple of days have been hard on us, but I guess if we just… try… we could actually 'love each other even when we hate each other'."

Again, she was right. She was making an effort, something he should have appreciated, but sometimes it was hard to see past the fact that it was just a post-it, a contract for them, but not a real marriage, especially not after having spent 11 years with Addison.

Sighing, he nodded into the phone and fiddled with the armrest of his chair. "You're right, I'm sorry. We've been over-reacting a bit."

He wondered if the apology was sincere, or if it sounded the least bit convincing. But it would have to do.

"Thank you," she replied, glad that she could be civil with Derek. "I'm sorry too."

"Okay."

"How's Connecticut?"

He almost blurted out an unceremonious answer, but it was a good thing that he caught himself lest he be caught. "Oh. Yeah, right. Nancy. Connecticut's great, everything's fine. Nancy's been good too."

"That's great. It's been same-old, same-old around here. Mercy West has been stealing patients, but I had a solo surgery with Bailey watching me," she said, sounding proud and enthusiastic about her accomplishment.

"Congratulations! That's wonderful!" he answered, trying to sound the least interested. He felt a little bad that he couldn't offer any more of himself to her, but he couldn't just scoff her off.

"Yes. Well…" she said, trying to think of something else to say. Coming up with nothing, she sighed. "I'm working with Callie today, and she's going to be paging me in a while so I have to go."

Derek knew she was trying to avoid the awkwardness, and he was thankful to let the conversation end now. "Okay."

"I'll see you Monday?"

"Yes, Monday," he agreed. "Take care okay?"

"You too. Bye."

Hanging up, he thought about how wrong it was to be relieved that the conversation was over. If he weren't in LA, trying to get into Addison's good graces, he probably would have gone back to acting like nothing was wrong. After all, the post-it was a mutual agreement, a commitment of sorts, and that was something he should have been living up to.

But he was in another city now, a city which contained the woman he called the love of his life. He had kissed said woman, and that mere touch of lips, the mere excitation of a small bundle of nerves in his body, told him that there was something worth fighting for, worth rekindling for, with Addison. He didn't know what to do yet, especially with Meredith. But he couldn't risk showing off his indecision lest Meredith finds out and kills Addison with her bare hands. He didn't know where he was going with Addison, but he knew he wanted to be with her.

Too busy with his thoughts, he didn't notice that Addison had been standing by the door the whole time, from the moment he started to phone call, up to the very end of the conversation. He only noticed her presence when she cleared her throat, and he bolted right up from his seat to greet her.

"Addie… I was—" he tried to explain, but she interrupted him.

"She doesn't know you're here, does she?"

It was a question set with her tone low and serious. She wanted answers.

He sighed. "Addie, that's not something we should—"

"Does Meredith Grey know you're here?" she asked again, emphasizing each word with precision to let him know just how serious she was.

There was an awkward silence before Derek shook his head. "No, she doesn't."

She stared at him for a second before clicking her tongue and walking into her office.

"Derek, what the hell do you think you're doing? Why are you here? Do you honestly believe that you coming to my house last night, and now being here at the practice, would make me want to take you back? Because if you think you could win me back that easily, then you're terribly mistaken. You're not naïve, Derek. And sometimes you may be stupid, but you're not blind."

Her voice was calm, as if she were trying to convince herself that nothing could be solved if she got mad and berated him endlessly.

"Addison, if you could just let me explain."

She shook her head, raising her hand up to stop him from speaking.

"You have no right to be here, Derek, and screw me over again. You're not my husband, you divorced me and you didn't care. It was mutual. And to some extent, I'd have understood you wanting to be friends with me, but to kiss me while I was drunk? You took advantage of me. What happens now, when I agree to talk this out with you? Let me make this clear, Derek. I don't want you here. I don't want you here. I don't want to kiss you, I don't want to be with you. You're going to leave LA and go back to Seattle, and you're going to never bother me about this ever again."

He sighed, seeing the seriousness in Addison's stance and noting the slight desperation in her words. He knew she wanted him out, but he couldn't just let her sway him that easily. If she was determined to get rid of him, he was more determined to show her she was wrong.

"Adds," he started gently. "Maybe you're right. Maybe coming here was a mistake. But it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the way I feel about you, or the way you feel about me, or that kiss we shared last night. It was real, Adds, no matter how much you deny it. The kiss was real and you know it. You're too busy trying to deny everything that you feel, but that doesn't mean I'm walking out on you. I'm leaving your office, I'll give you that much. But like I said, I'm staying until Monday. Think about it until then," he finished.

Staring at her as she tried to move her glance away from him, he stepped forward and pressed and soft kiss on her forehead.

"Think about it, Adds. It's time you faced the music."

Taking his coat, he left the office and ignored the confused looks on Sam, Pete and Cooper's faces. They had heard everything, even if their voices were hushed. It wasn't always that a hotshot neurosurgeon walked inside the office of an equally hotshot OB-GYN.

Derek and Sam's eyes met, but Derek was much too caught up in his emotions to greet him. Sam, on the other hand, knew that Derek was there for Addison. He had heard the raised voices from the night before as it had woken him up from a deep sleep.

Things started to make sense for Sam, and when he was sure Derek was gone, he walked into the office in time to see Addison sit behind her desk to calm herself down.

She raised her head and immediately knew what Sam was thinking.

"I don't want to talk about it, Sam," she warned.

"So. Derek Shepherd huh?"

"I said I'm not gonna talk about it. Whatever happened is between Derek and I so please."

"Right. But can I just ask? Did you sleep with him?"

Her eyes widened at Sam's audacity, and it didn't help that she was still reeling from her encounter with Derek. "Excuse me?"

Sam was upset with Addison, and he shook his head. "I'm just asking. That's all you do lately when you're feeling upset. You slept with Mark, then with Pete. I wouldn't really be surprised if you slept with Derek."

"Okay, you know what?" she said, standing up and not appreciating where her conversation with Sam was going. "You have no idea what happened so you have no right to judge me. Stay. Out. Of. It," emphasizing her words she that he got the message clearly.

He put both his hands up in surrender, and put on a smirk. "Okay, fine. It's your life. It's your choice how to mess it up. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll go attend to a patient now," he said, leaving the room and leaving Addison exasperated.

-

The whole day had been quite a blur, all the hours passing by as quickly as her eyes could blink. Getting home to an empty house wasn't exactly one of Meredith Grey's simple pleasures, but she appreciated the peace nevertheless.

Her short conversation with Derek had been left hanging until she found the time to figure out what to make of it. She wasn't insensitive. She knew that he was still upset with her and that he was otherwise distracted. But she couldn't pinpoint exactly why, and she couldn't fathom how this fight differed from all the rest.

Their fight had been two days ago. And usually, after a couple of hours, they'd make up and make out. But now, things were so different that she couldn't understand what had made things so. If someone had the right to be mad, it is her. After all, he said another name while they were in bed together. That name, the one she thought was the bane of her existence, had caused her so much inner suffering, and there was nothing anyone could to do reassure her.

She had been analyzing the situation, and she knew Derek had been thinking about Addison lately. Whether it was a casual thought, or one that had been saturating his head for days on end, she didn't know. But it bothered her that it made Derek distant, and that it was affecting their relationship more than she'd care to admit.

One of the things they had promised each other was to never walk away. She wasn't sure if Derek being someplace else was considered walking away, but it made her feel alone nevertheless. All she wanted was to know why he was so angry, and how to make things work out between them. She loved him so much that she could hardly fathom a small fight bringing Seattle Graces' power couple down. They needed to talk. It was apparent that there was a lack of communication in their relationship, and it was getting increasingly difficult to pretend that it was okay.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the landline ringing. Sighing, she stood up from where she sat on the couch and picked up the phone, half-hoping it was Derek trying to make amends.

However, she sorely disappointed at hearing someone else's voice, and she was sure to expect more complications to arise.

"Hello?"

"Meredith?" the woman asked.

Meredith would recognize the voice anywhere. She cringed inwardly at realizing it was Nancy. She knew Derek's sister never liked her much, but tried to pleasant and sickeningly sweet at the same time anyway.

"Nancy? Is that you? It's good to hear from you," she tried.

Nancy tried to suppress an eye roll. "Yeah, well. I was calling to check on Derek. Is he home?"

There was a loud buzzing in her ear at the realization occurred to her. She was shocked. If Derek was in Connecticut with Nancy, why was she calling and asking for him in the first place? He was lying all along, and the realization made her heart beat faster than she thought she could handle.

"He's… He's not here," she stuttered, managing to get something coherent out. "He's not in town."

Derek had completely changed the rules, and was playing the game his own way. She was appalled and angry and hurt, and it made her doubt everything she had every believed in.

"Oh," Nancy answered, sensing the discomfort in Meredith's voice. "I'll try his cell then. But in case, do tell him I miss him and that I have to talk to him?"

"Will do," Meredith managed, and immediately put the phone down. She had to grab a hold of the counter because her knees felt like jelly, like they would cease holding her up soon.

She couldn't believe it. Derek had lied to her, and his attitude these past days all finally made sense. It was all coming together, like pieces of a puzzle finally fitting in order to paint her a clear picture.

Addison's name, his behavior, Nancy's phone call. They all made sense. The most obvious and cruel truth had hit her square in the face, knocking the air out of her and leaving her begging for reason. He had left, and she knew. She _knew_ she was with Addison.

* * *

**So, what do you think? Please review and let me know what you think!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! I hope you're still interested in this story, I know it's been a long time since my last update, school it's being crazy this days.. I'm gonna try to update the next chapter this weekend or next week since I start my summer vacations this week.. I hope you like it, thanks again to marchingon and celadeschanel for beta- ing**

**And agaiin THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS :)**

* * *

Meredith Grey stayed in her living room after she hung up the phone; she knew her _sister-in-law_ hated her, but she knew she wouldn't call her to tell her something like that.

There was no other explanation, it was a simple one, Derek was lying to her, she had no clue where he was. The only thing she could think was that he was with his ex wife in LA, after the last fight they had it seemed the most reasonable thing at this point.

It was something she could never understand, all this time, since the first time she met Addison, she always thought Derek had no feelings for her, even when they were married, he admitted to her that he didn't love his wife back then.

All she could think was _why_? Why he would be in LA, he couldn't be with Addison, he wouldn't be there, he loves her, he chose her and he picked her. He just couldn't be with his ex-wife, it seemed unreasonable.

She needed talk to someone who tells her what to do, so she decided to go back to the hospital and find her best friend, her _person._

Luckily, Yang was having lunch at the cafeteria, Meredith was worried she would be in a surgery, but she wasn't. Slowly she went close to her friend and sat at the table where Cristina was eating, she sat there without saying a word.

Cristina quickly realized something was wrong with her person; she just lifted her sight and noticed it.

"Just spit it, I have a surgery with Altman in a few minutes"

Meredith had no idea for where to start, so she just went for the easy way to tell her.

"I think Derek is cheating on me… with Addison, he lied about being in Connecticut with his sister and now I have this voice in my head telling me he is in LA with his ex wife."

"What? I don't think so, he never loved her." she kept eating normally, but it didn't convince Meredith.

"I know! But it seems obvious to me, the last fight we had was because of her, sort of… I think I should go to LA to find him; It would make me a crazy-jealous wife, isn't it?"

"Mer, look at you, you're a crazy-jealous wife already… God, I never thought you were one of those women… but, if you're sure then do what you think is right … Now I have to go, Teddy's paging me" Cristina left as soon as she heard her pager "Mer… I really don't think he's cheating on you"

Xx

Back in LA, Addison was still trying to understand Derek's presence there, normally she wouldn't mind that much, but after all he said she couldn't get him out of her mind.

She hated days like this, she just had a patient all morning, and now she was hoping a future mother gave birth so she could work, but facing the reality, it was one of those days when the practice was pretty quiet, and this wasn't exactly good for her, because she needed some patients so she wouldn't have time to think about her ex-husband.

Seeing all this, she made a decision, something she would surely regret later that day, she needed to face Derek, she had the need to have a normal conversation with him, without yelling, just to hear what he wanted to say

After all she couldn't exactly remember last night's events, maybe it was because she was drunk, or maybe because of the kiss, which it was the only thing she could remember clearly.

So, facing all she was feeling inside with Derek Shepherd being there, she took her cellphone and decided to call him, after a short wait he finally picked up his phone.

"_Addison_?" He said very confused, after their conversation he wouldn't expected a call from her.

"Derek, I- I… don't know why I'm calling you" She simply said, he was surprised just to hearing her.

"_And I don't know why I'm here_" He completed what Addison said in the same way.

"Derek just listen, because honestly I don't know why I'm doing this… If you wanna talk to me you… you can come to my office if you want to… I'm gonna be here until the night so I…" she honestly had no idea what to say, he interrupted her.

"I'm on my way, I'll be there en 15minutes okay?" he said astonished, after Addison's behavior last night and this morning, he couldn't believe that she wanted to talk with him.

"Okay" it was the only thing she was able to say, she hang up the phone and she couldn't believe she just called Derek, she wanted to avoid him but instead of it, she called him and told him to came back to her office.

A few minutes later, she was still behind her desk when she heard the door knocking and immediately Derek walked into her office, at the moment he entered, she just lifted the sight to see him sitting in front of her.

"So… You called me… Honestly I didn't think you would"

"Yeah, it was very sudden… Derek, I don't wanna argue with you… I just need a good reason for you being here, because I'm trying to understand why would you come here to see me, and I just don't get it"

Addison sat in the couch in her office, Derek went behind her and sat next to her "I know you're confused Addie, trust me I am too, a few days ago I started to think about everything we had and how stupid we were for let it go, we just screwed up everything"

Since the moment Addison move out from New York to Seattle she had been expecting hear this words from Derek's mouth, if he would had this change of mind back when they were giving their marriage another try maybe their lives will be different, but now she couldn't allow herself to fall for her ex-husband again, but also she couldn't deny a little part of her was happy for seeing him there.

"Derek, that's something we both know, but there's nothing we can do, we're divorce, you live in Seattle, I live here, you are married… Things are complicated, we tried to make it work and we couldn't, I'm sorry but being with you is something I don't wanna do again… It's over between us"

"Don't you think I know that, Addison? I hate myself for the way we ended things up, and I know it is too late, but…" he held her hand "…I just wanted you to know how I feel for you and I don't know, maybe I wanted to hear the same thing from you"

Addison again couldn't believe what she was hearing, she was speechless, she wanted to tell him the way she felt, but it would make things more difficult than already were

"Derek I… I can't… You can't expect me to say…" He interrupted "Addie please don't say anything just… stay here next to me… please"

She took a long breath and nodded; both of them knew it was maybe impossible for them, they moved on with their lives, and probably talking about them as a couple was something neither one of them thought after the divorce

They just stayed in her office, he was still holding her hand, they were sharing the moment, with no fights and no yelling, just quietly remember how they used to be

"Derek, it's late" Addison got back to reality, she would have loved to spend all day with him, but she knew she couldn't allow herself to do that "You should probably get back to you hotel, you want me to call you a cab?" She asked

"No, don't worry, I'll just take one outside, it was good to spend time with you, I really missed it, I almost forget how we used to spend our time together"

"Yeah, well… I'm gonna take a coffee, so… goodbye?"

"Bye Addie" He gave her a hug, and kissed her forehead, he wouldn't pressure Addison to do something more, and it was expected, he was leaving the practice thinking about how he used to love this redhair and how he's starting to feel it again

"Derek, wait…" Addison said exiting her office, Derek turned back

"Are you free for lunch tomorrow?" She asked, she couldn't believe how she was dealing with Derek being there, she knew she would regret of all this decisions later, but after all it was Derek, the man he used to refer as the love of her life

"Yes… but, if you want to we could start right now with that coffee you said" He smiled

"Okay,"

Earlier that day, after talking with Cristina, Meredith knew she had to do something about it; she couldn't all day wondering where was her husband , after she left the hospital she kept thinking about everything, but as she had said before, there was only one way to know if her suspicions were right

She had started her day off so she wouldn't have to go to the hospital in the rest of the day, she thought in her way to the airport, she couldn't believe what she was about to do, she had the need to fly to Los Angeles and make sure her husband was there, and if he wasn't she would be the _crazy jealous wife_ who doesn't trust in her husband, but she could live with that

After a few hours later and after a long flight, Meredith Grey found herself outside of the Oceanside Wellness Center, she thought she would never do something like Addison did when she went to Seattle after her husband, but now she realized she was doing the exact same thing

She took a long breath and took the elevator, after the doors opened she saw the reception where this blonde guy was sitting

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Dr Addison Montgomery, we used to work together, I'm Dr Meredith Grey" Meredith asked, Dell could noticed that this woman wasn't exactly in her best condition, he could see the anger in Meredith's eyes, but she was a doctor too, and maybe she just wanted to see Addison as an old friend, he thought

"Sure Dr Grey, her office is down the hall, it has her name on it"

"Thanks" Meredith started to walk down the hall, as the receptionist said, and there was what she was looking for, she saw Addison and Derek having a conversation outside Addison's office, both of them were too busy enjoying each other's company, to notice her, she just decided to hear what they were talking and wait for the right moment

"_Are you free for lunch tomorrow?" _

"_Yes… but, if you want to we could start right now with that coffee you said"_

"_Okay,"_

She decided now was the time, she went to her husband and his former wife were talking, after Meredith went closer to them, Addison saw her, she could recognized the face of that woman everywhere

"Meredith" Derek quickly turned back to make sure it was her, they couldn't do anything, now one of his biggest fears when he decided to go to LA had make come true, how in the world would he explained to Meredith that he's there because of his ex wife

"Hello Derek, Addison, I hope I'm not interrupting something"

"Meredith we were just…" Addison started, Derek didn't know what to say

"What? You were just what? Come on Addison, I can't freaking believe you're not over Derek! It's been almost 4 years since you got divorced! He's my husband now! Don't you get it? You should have some respect for that! What were you thinking? By the way Derek, NANCY called, she says hi" She was yelling now, she couldn't hide the fact she was furious with those two

"God… Addison didn't do anything Meredith! Stop blaming her, because she had nothing to do with me being here, I came because I wanted to! Addison doesn't even want me here, I know I shouldn't have lied to you, but don't you dare to talk to Addison that way" He said defending her ex wife

"Derek you don't have to…" Addison tried to say, everyone in the practice could see the argument these three were having, including the few patients who where there at the moment and obviously the other doctors

"Yes Derek, you don't have to defend her! God you spent the night with her don't you? I bet you two had fun last night, McDreamy with the adulterous bitch! That must be really fun!"

"Come on Meredith why don't just shut up! You have no right to be here!" Derek said

"Oh look who's talking! Because it is good for you coming here to cry with your ex wife about the problems with your actual wife" Meredith defended herself

"You know what, both of you should leave and leave me out of this! Yes Meredith he came here, but we didn't do anything, if don't want to believe me it's fine you don't have to, but that's the truth! And Derek, you don't have the right of being here, you just can't! So make all of us a favor and leave and if you want to stay here fine! But leave me out of it!"

Addison went to the kitchen and left Derek and Meredith still in the middle of the hall

"Meredith just-" Derek tried to say

"Don't Derek! Just shut up! I don't wanna hear you, I don't wanna hear your sad excuses, just stop talking, I didn't say anything when you said HER NAME in bed, but come here to see her? That's another thing! So, you shut your fucking mouth and don't try to explain anything, because there's no an explanation for this, I'm done with you!"

Meredith took her way and took the elevator, all the people kept staring at her until the elevator door closed; Derek decided to go to the kitchen, where Addison was

"You should leave Derek" Addison said as soon she saw him

"She shouldn't talk to you that way, I'm sorry for that"

"Derek she's right, you can't be here with me, you should have found out where was and told her you're sorry for being here with me, I know we didn't do anything, but just for being here Derek, I know how it feels when you are looking for your husband and find him with someone else, just… go with her, she would take you back if you apologized" Addison really wanted him to go away, after that 'show' they gave to the other people in the practice, that was the right thing to do

"You know I want to be here with you Addie, I know I should be running after her but I don't want to go" He honestly never thought he wouldn't be looking after Meredith in a situation like this "All I want right now is you" He tried to kiss her, but she didn't let him

"No, Derek, this is no okay, please don't…"

He didn't say anything, but just after Addison finished talk, Pete walked in the kitchen

"Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't want to…" He said thinking they were having an argument after the big fight with Meredith

"Pete, don't worry, Derek was just leaving" she was thankful Pete entered, so Derek could finally leave

"Yes, I was… Goodbye" Derek gave a look to Addison and finally left the practice

"You wanna talk about it?" Pete asked his friend after Derek left the room

"Honestly I don't" Addison said faking a smile in her face

"Come on Addison, it's me, you know you can tell me everything" Pete and Addison always tell their problems and try to help each other

"Pete, it's Derek, he's here, he kissed me, he told me he wanted to give us another try and now his wife's here too, it's just too complicated! I just, never thought I'll end up like his dirty mistress"

"You're not his dirty mistress, maybe you're just confused with the whole spectacle you gave all of us, but you're gonna get through this, you need to do what you think is right"

"That's the point! I don't know what is right anymore! I know Derek and I were over a very long time ago, I get that, but there's a little part inside of me saying 'why don't you give him a try' and I know that would make me a worst person than I already think I am, and now Meredith's here saying that I am the other woman, ME! The last time she was the dirty mistress and I was the poor wife! I don't even know what to think!"

"Just, try not to think about the others, and think about yourself, when you make a decision in your life you're always thinking how that decision could affect the others, but you never try to think how will affect you, just think about it before do something you know you'll regret"

"I need to go to my house, It's been a long day" She chose ignore Pete; she knew he was right but she was too tired to admit he was right.

* * *

**Let me know what you think :) Review, pleasee!**


	6. Chapter 5

**Hey again! Here's the next chapter, I really hope you like it! Thanks for the Reviews :)**

* * *

That night, Addison was more confused than ever, even after her talk with Pete before leaving the practice. She went home thinking about everything including Derek and Meredith, just like she used to do it when she lived in Seattle. She was sitting outside watching the beach and with a glass of wine in the right hand.

Quickly, Sam saw her friend from his house and he knew she wasn't okay, so he decided to go there to talk to her as a good neighbor and one of her best friends, leaving apart whatever other feeling he could have to her.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked, he perfectly knew the kind of day she had

"Sam, I'm not exactly in the mood, so if you're gonna start to judge me for whatever I did, you can just go, so if you don't mind I wanna be alone"

"I just wanted to apologize with you, I was rude to you earlier and you don't deserve that kind of behavior coming from me…"

"Okay" She said barely smiling, he smiled back

"_Addie! Are you home?_" They heard coming from inside of the house

"Amelia?" Addison responded

"I thought she was in a medical conference" Sam told Addison

"Yeah, she was supposed to come back next week" While they were talking, Amelia approached them

"If you're gonna talk behind my back you should make sure I'm not in the same room" They laughed "It's okay, the conference was good, I just wanted go back here, I missed you guys"

"Well, we're happy you're back! I have to go… I'll see you both tomorrow at work"

After Sam left, both Addison and Amelia went to the living room. By the look on Addison's eyes and the glass of wine in her hand, Amelia could say that something happened while she was outside the city

"So, are you gonna tell me what's wrong with you? Or are we gonna pretend that you're drinking alone for no reason?" Amelia asked her, she knew Addison too well, and she was like a another sister to her

"Amelia, it's been a long weekend for me, I don't wanna talk about it, so can we just pretend there's nothing wrong? Because I really don't feel like talking about it" She was too tired to start to telling her why she's feeling down, and she didn't want to tell Amelia her brother was the principal reason for it, she wouldn't believe her, even Addison herself couldn't believe it

"Okay" She took a glass with wine too "But you know you're gonna tell me anyway"

Xx

Meanwhile, Derek went back to his hotel, he knew he should be looking for Meredith in somewhere in LA, but he wasn't ready for more of her drama that night. He needed someone to talk to, he's been so confused these last few days and the only person he had have a regular conversation was Addison, but at this moment he needed someone's advice, he was now extremely confused, he was there because he missed Addison and he realized that he still have feelings for her but the idea of Meredith following him to LA never came to his mind until the moment she was in the middle of the practice making a scene in front of everyone.

He sat on the bed and decided to call his best friend, he knew Mark wasn't the kind of person who gives advices, but he was the only one who could understand him…

"_Derek, right now it's not a good time, I'm about to…_" Mark sounded busy, but Derek didn't mind and he interrupted

"I messed up, Mark. I'm totally screwed!"

"_Okay, you better _be _dying because I'm waiting for Teddy so we can go home and…"_

"I don't wanna hear how you're gonna finish that sentence! I'm not dying but I think this is worst"

"_Dude, what the hell did you do? And, oh right, Where the hell are you?_" he asked, the day he left he just said he needed some time out of Seattle, the only person there who knew it was Richard.

"You remember about a week ago I told you that I was feeling down because I started to think about Addie, right? Well, I came to LA, I spent the day with her and you have no idea how great I felt, just to be with her again and…"

"_Wait, wait… You're in LA, with your ex-wife and you're telling me how great it feels? Derek, I have better things to do and a girlfriend waiting for me_!"

"That's not the problem, we were doing great, she wasn't even fighting anymore… The thing is that Meredith's here too, she went to the practice and found me and Addison just talking and she made a scene, now Addison won't return my calls and doesn't talk to me, and I know I should be worrying about Meredith, like where she is, or that I have to find her in somewhere, but all I can think about is Addie…"

"_Grey followed you to LA? Dude, that sucks… Well, I guess you know what to do… Man, I know I'm not the best giving relationship advices and especially when it's about you and Addie, but you should think about what you really want, because I know Addison has always loved you and I know that you'll hurt her again if you give her hope and at last minute you decide to stay with Grey_" He was right, he told him this remembering what he did the last time he went to LA and gave Addison false hopes, he reminds everyday the look on her face when he finally told her he wouldn't stay there because he was in love with Lexie and he knew it hurt Addison, now he didn't want Derek do the same thing to her

"Yeah, the last thing I want is hurt Addison again, but at the same time I don't wanna hurt Meredith"

"Well, whatever you decide, just make sure it's what you really want and not what you have to do"

"Thanks man" He was still confused but he knew Mark was right

"Okay, now I do have to go, Teddy's here, good luck"

Xx

The next morning was Derek's last day in LA, he couldn't exactly said if his travel to LA was a good thing or a bad thing, he had seen Addison and clearly realized that he still feel something for her, but maybe she was right and it was too late, maybe they could had make it better if Meredith hasn't appeared there making a scene, but apparently that scared both of them.

Derek decided to go the practice once again to see Addison to say goodbye, he knew she was still mad at him for everything he had done, but he just couldn't leave without seeing her one more time.

He went to the practice, and all he could do was wondering about what kind of life is Addison living, he couldn't help but wondering if she was really happy right now with this new life, and if she was, maybe the best thing he could do was go, all he really wanted was seeing her happy, even if it's not with him.

He found himself in front of the receptionist boy; he was now getting used to go to the practice, now he could recognize some of the new Addison's co-workers.

"Hey, I'm Dr. Shepherd, I was here yesterday, I was wondering if Dr. Montgomery's here, I really need to talk to her" Dell clearly remembered him, especially after the day before, when Meredith started to yell at him in the middle of the hall

"Yeah, sure… She's with a patient right now, but I guess she'll finish in a few minutes" he nicely answered

"Oh, thanks, I'll just wait in her office"

"It's okay Dr. Shepherd"

On his way to the office of his former wife, he saw Naomi, and he decided to greet her, she was a really good friend of him back in med school.

"Naomi! It's been a long time!" he smiled and hugged her

"Derek Shepherd! Oh my God! I've heard you were here, but I didn't believe it until now… So how are you?"

"I'm great, it's been okay" he cleared his throat "No, I'm lying, Naomi, I'm miserable, she doesn't talk to me, I've tried to call her all night, and she doesn't answer my calls, I need to talk to her, I need to tell her I'm sorry for everything"

"Derek, I don't understand why you're telling me this"

"You're her best friend, you're the only one she'll listen, I told her that I love her, kind of, and now I think she's scared because of Meredith" He was desperate, and he couldn't believe that after years ignoring Addison, now he was desperate for her attention.

"That's between you two, there's nothing I can do, I'm sorry Der, you know I really love you both, but your relationship it's none of my business" there was an awkward silence between them

"Do you remember our wedding day? You were her maid of honor, you've been there since the very beginning, the last time I saw you, you told me you thought Addie and I were gonna last forever, you were practically judging me because I left her! You start to sing everywhere the song I wrote for her and sang at the wedding, for God's sake!"

"Oh, I'm sorry but I've never intended to judge you, it was only a comment, I'm sorry if you misunderstood it"

"No, no, no… It's okay, I'm glad you did that, because it made me think, and I started to feel awful, after that, I started to think about her, and I wanted to prove myself I was wrong and I didn't have feelings for my ex-wife, so I proposed Meredith and kind of married her, but it took me a year after to realize I wasn't wrong about what I feel for Addison and you were right… I – I love her Naomi, and I know I realized that like five years late, but I do love her just like the first day I saw her, and I'll do whatever I can to have her back"

"Derek I…" He interrupted her, his voice was breaking

"Naomi, I messed up, I know that, I thought once I came here, she'd be with someone else and I'd have to live with that, but I've saw her and even when she was wearing just an ugly t-shirt that night, all I could think was that she's the most beautiful woman alive, and then I've kissed her and… Naomi, you have no idea how bad it feels to know I could be with the woman I love and I can't because of a fling I had"

"I- I had no idea you felt that way… If you want her to listen to you, tell her exactly what you just told me… I'm sure she'll listen to you, now, I really have to go, I have patients waiting downstairs… It was really nice to see you, and… If you really want her this time, fight for it, but if it's just because you're mad with… Meredith, then just go back home, because I don't think she could take if you leave her again" She smiled and kissed his check

Meanwhile, Addison finished the consult with the patient and she was in her office with Amelia, they were both in the couch, it was Amelia's first day back since the conference, but she could tell there was something bothering her former sister-in-law, and even when she doesn't wanted to talk about it she knew her too well to know there was something bothering her; while Amelia was trying to convinced Addison to tell her what was wrong they heard someone behind the door.

Amelia was shocked seeing that this person was her big brother, now she clearly knew what happen to Addison, there was a silence between them.

"Amy, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be working in your residency with Dr Ginsburg?" Derek was surprised to find his little sister there, he knew she was in LA for a case but it was a few months ago, by this time she should be back at home, Addison was still in silence, she knew Derek and Amelia don't have a good relationship

"I'm not working with Dr Ginsburg anymore" She simply said

"You did what? Amy, you should've told me! Why would you quit a neurosurgery fellowship?"

"It's okay Derek, I live with Addie now, and I'm starting to work here at the practice and at St. Ambrosse, now if you don't mind, I'm busy" She turned back to Addison "You could have told me he was here"

"Amelia, I'm sorry, I thought he was…" Amelia interrupted her

"It's okay Addie, I was leaving anyway… Nice to see you Derek" Amelia stood up and left the office

"Amy! Amelia!" Derek tried but she had already left "Why didn't you tell me that my sister is leaving with you?" he told Addison

"Seriously, Derek? That's what you wanna talk about? You're here to ask me why you're sister is staying with me? Okay, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you yesterday while your wife was yelling at me!"

"Okay, I'm sorry; it's just surprising to seeing her here. You two were always close, but I really didn't expect that she is now living with you"

"I don't care, you know I love her, and right now is the only one of the _Shepherds _that I can stand. Which reminds me, shouldn't you be taking a plane back home with you wife?"

"After I left last nigh, It took me like five minutes to realized I didn't want to find her, all I wanted was be with you, we had a great time yesterday before Meredith decided to come here, I tried to call you, but you didn't answer my calls" Derek tried to take Addison's hand, but she didn't let him

"I-I didn't want to talk to you…" Addison started, but Derek interrupted her "Addie, can you be honest to yourself for just one minute and admit that you don't hate me! Because I know you, maybe you think you've changed but honestly you haven't, you're the same girl I felt in love in med school, with same insecurities and with the same doubts; you're scared because you know you still love me as much as I love you and you're scared to tell me the truth because you think I might hurt you…" Addison wanted to cry, Derek just tell her he still loved her, but she needed to be strong, she knew that she didn't have the straight to fight for him, not anymore.

"You want the truth? Okay I'll tell you what you wanna hear" She started to raise her voice "I do love you! I love you and I never stopped loving you even when I have a million of reasons for not to! I love you more than you can ever imagine, that's why I wanna hate you so badly … I hate myself for screw what we had, and I really wanna hate you for not to fight enough for me when we had the chance to be _AddisonAndDerek_ again! And I really wanna trust you with all these nice things you've been telling me, but after the hell you made me live, I can't trust you anymore Derek, now please, take your plane back to Seattle and don't come back here" Addison started to take the tears out her face

"Addie…" Derek was trying her best for not to cry, seeing Addison cry has always been his weakness

"Derek please, leave, I need you to go back Seattle"

Derek kissed her, and for the first time she didn't stopped him, all their emotions were mixed in that kiss, the angry, the sadness, the impotence to know they can't be together, but against all the odds they could have this moment together

"If you don't want this tell me to stop and I'll go to the airport immediately" He said laying down the couch and kissing her neck

"Derek, shut up... and don't stop"

* * *

**What do you think? Review and tell me! Please?**


	7. Chapter 6

**Here's the next chapter... You guys are really AWESOME! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS!**

**And I really wanna thank Ilaria and Marcela for their help with this chapter! YOU ROCK GIRLS!**

**

* * *

SEATTLE.-**

A day has passed since Derek left LA, he was still doubtfully with the hasty decisions he had taken, though he always considered himself as somebody who's always sure about what he wants, this whole trip to LA wasn't something that he would do, he just thought that for the first time in his life he'd try to do what he wanted and not what he has to do, just like Mark told him few days ago. As soon as he went back to Seattle he didn't return to Meredith's house, he still wasn't ready to deal with her, just not yet, though he wasn't sure she was there, he decided to go to the trailer, it's been almost a year since the last time he lived there, it was still messy since Alex and Izzie lived there for few months, but he didn't care, that place brought him too many memories back, but it was a nice place to think

That morning, was his first day back at Seattle Grace/Mercy West Hospital; he knew that probably he'd had to face Meredith for the first time after what happened in LA, he walked through the halls of the hospital and checked the surgical board, his name wasn't still there, so he kept walking until he was in front of Richard's office.

"Shep, you're back! We missed you around here" Richard greeted, Derek just smiled nicely at him "Anyway, how was your trip? Did you see Addie?" Richard continued

"It was good, she's okay… Have you seen Meredith? Is she here?" he had no idea if she was still in LA or if she was back in Seattle, if so, she'd probably be in the hospital and they could talk about everything that happened this last few days

"No, I haven't, I've been all morning doing paperwork" Richard could see concerned in Derek's eyes "Shep, is there everything okay between you and Meredith?" Richard asked, Derek sat down in front of Richard's desk

"It could be better, I think, but I really need to talk to her" Derek sighed "I need to go now, thanks again for the days off, they were really great"

"Derek, wait… Whatever that happened in Los Angeles, is affecting you, I've never seen you like this before, you have to find a solution for whatever you did and start to act like you used to do it before this week, you're not this doubtful- confused- sad men, you're more than this, and trust me, I know how you've must be feeling, I've been there before, but if you wanna feel better with yourself, you need to make a choice, a real one, one that you won't regret few years later" Dr Webber was trying to help him, he cared about Derek and he hated to see him like that.

"You're way out of line Richard… but you're right"

He left the chief's office, he knew Richard were right, he knew he wasn't doing the right thing. He truly needed to talk to Meredith, after all she's still his post-it wife and she deserved an explanation about what she saw in LA, he still cared about her and she does meant a lot to him, she was the one who helped him to feel alive again after Addison cheated, and he did loved her, but just not as he thought, and even when he didn't wanna hurt her, he needed to tell her the truth, including his feelings towards his ex-wife; if there was something he was sure, it was his security to take decisions, but right now he wasn't being himself.

All he could think about was his last day in LA and how he spent it. Though he tried to spend the day in the OR so he won't have to talk with anyone, he wanted to, but he knew he wasn't ready for that yet. But as soon as he went to the cafeteria, he saw her, there she was, talking with her friends as she usually does, probably they were talking about him. For one moment he thought about approach to her, but he decided to sit with Mark as soon as he saw him. Mark, was sitting with Callie, they were both having lunch.

"Dude, I thought you were staying in LA! So, how's Addie?" Mark asked, he haven't heard about him since the night he called him, Derek was in silence looking at them "Come on, don't worry about Callie, I told her, It's okay"

"You told Torres? Thanks Mark" Derek said furiously

"Don't worry, it's okay Shepherd, Mark told me you slept with Addison, It's not like I'm gonna judge you" Callie simply said

"How do you know I-? We didn't- How do you know?" There was no need to deny it, at least not to them

"Dude, you're too damn obvious! It's practically written all over your face!" Mark told him

"Why do you care anyway? It's none of your business" Derek responded

"Derek, I know that I practically told you to go for it, but it's wrong, you're with Grey now"

"You know what was wrong? You, sleeping with her while she was married with me! And then you slept with him again after we got divorced! What kind of friend are you?" He said while he was about to leave the table

"Come on! Don't start with that again, just let it go!" Mark told him while he started to walk away

While he was leaving the cafeteria, saw Meredith again, now exactly in front of him

"I think we need to talk" Derek told Meredith, he couldn't keep avoiding her

"Yeah, we definitely need to talk"

**LOS ANGELES-.**

Amelia was having coffee in the practice's kitchen; she hasn't spoken to Addison since he saw Derek in the office, even when Addison and she were living in the same house none of them were talking to each other. Addison knew that she and her brother don't have a good relationship, so a little warning would have been nice for her.

Addison walked in there, and saw Amelia, she knew she was still mad at her and that was a bad thing for her because she really needed her sister in law, she was one of her friends there.

"Amelia, I knew that I've should've told you that Derek was here, I'm sorry, I really am" Addison started to apologize with Amelia, she was more than her sister in law, she was like her little sister too.

"You could have told me he was here so I wouldn't have seen him, now probably he'd be telling everyone I'm a failed because I quit the neurosurgery fellowship"

"What if I tell you that's the last thing in his mind right now?"

"What do you mean?" Amelia asked, apparently forgiving Addison

"He wanted us to get back together, so we were talking and his wife came here and started to yell at us in the middle of the hall, and they day after you came"

"Wait, Meredith came here? Oh, Addie! I'm sorry, I don't know her yet, but according what Nancy told me, she's annoying, I guess you hate her"

"I actually don't, it's just impossible to have a good relationship with her according our circumstances" Amelia laughed

"I shouldn't be mad at you, you've been really awesome with me since I came to LA, I'm sorry"

"It's okay Amelia" Both women smiled

"So… You're not gonna tell me what's happening between you and my brother?"

"It's complicated, I don't even know what we are doing"

"Addie, it's always complicated between you two, you're Addison and Derek, things are never easy for you guys, but you get through it anyway" Amelia knew Addison was so much better with her brother than with the messy love life she was having by the time she came to LA for the first time

"I don't know Amelia, he has Meredith, and after me and Sam couldn't work out as a couple I don't know"

"He's with Meredith, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't want to be with you. He was here or not? Let him to figure things up in Seattle, I'm sure he'll be here again. And about you and Sam, it just wasn't meant to be"

**Sheldon's Office, later that day. **

"I gotta talk to you." Addison burst the doors open and sat down on the couch, crossing her arms defensively.

"Hey, Addison, how are you? Always a pleasure." Sheldon said, ironically, wondering what would make Addison just show up at his office.

"I need you to help me."

"Actually, I was just wrapping things up here and going home-"

"I thought you were a therapist!" Addison interrupted. "Therapists are supposed to help people go through crap in their lives!" Addison already felt the tears gathering in her eyes, but, she couldn't cry in front of him.

"Okay, Addison, obviously something is wrong." Sheldon sat down and took her hand. "What's happening?"

"Do you think love is everlasting?" Addison asked, looking deeply into his eyes. "Do you think if someone falls in love, it lasts their whole life?"

"What's going on?"

"I'm in love with someone. Not just 'in love', I love him so much it makes me wanna kill myself. And I know that this feeling will last forever. And I'm afraid he has no idea." Sheldon, all of a sudden, had a terrible thought. He held her hand tighter and leaned in.

"Addie, are you in love with me?"

"No!" Addison moved away from him, releasing his hand brutally. "Of course not, Sheldon! I'm in love with my husband, Derek Shepherd."

"And what's wrong with that?"

"He's actually my ex-husband."

"Oh."

"And he has a wife."

"Oh!"

"Is this very bad?"

"Very bad, Addison. Very bad."

"Damn." Addison let herself fall onto the stuffy cushions of his couch and exhaled deeply.

"You know what it's like to be cheated on, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"And do you wish that for his wife?"

Addison thought about it for a second. "Actually, I do."

"Okay, let me rephrase it. You know what it's like to feel like a cheater, right?"

Addison took a deep breath. "Unfortunately."

"And do you wish that for Derek?"

Addison rubbed her hands on her face. She had no doubt about it: Derek couldn't feel like a cheater. She couldn't do that to him. But, suddenly, she had an idea.

"What if he's willing to leave his wife for me?"

"Well, then, you should-"

"Actually, let me rephrase it: You know what it's like to be unhappy, right? Loving someone in silence, waiting for them to make the next move. Having that feeling that eats you inside like cancer, and makes it hard for you to even get up in the morning. Knowing that you had a chance to be with the man that is so obviously right for you and you blew it. And hating yourself for letting him go. You know what it's like, don't you?"

Sheldon was speechless. "Yes."

"And do you really wish that for me?"

* * *

**What do you think? Like it? Hate it? Please review and tell me! Reviews make me update faster! :D**


	8. Chapter 7

**Here's the next chapter, this was a crazy idea Marcela and I had, you'll find out when Derek and Meredith start to talk.. I really hope you like it :)**

**And once again... Thanks for the reviews! I'm really glad that you're liking this story!**

* * *

**SEATTLE -**

_"I think we need to talk" Derek told Meredith, he couldn't keep avoiding her_

_"Yeah, we definitely need to talk"_

Both Meredith and Derek Shepherd were in the middle of the cafeteria, where everybody could see the angry in the post- it married couple, nobody could help kept their eyes away from them, everyone in the hospital could notice they were about to have a big fight, but just a few of them knew what was exactly happening between 'the happy couple'

Nobody could believe Derek and Meredith were having problems in their marriage, for those who doesn't really know them, they seemed to be a really peacefully couple, but that wasn't exactly the reality.

"Maybe we could talk in somewhere else, I don't want the whole hospital to find out about marital problems" Meredith told Derek taking his hand

"Yeah, you're right, I mean, after what you did in LA, it seems sensitive to me" he coldly answered

"Derek, please" She told him, even though she knew he was right

"Look Meredith, I don't care where we're gonna talk, let's just sit here, in this table and just listen to me, okay?" She nodded, she couldn't help the fact of being scared about this conversation, she knew that probably Derek would confirm what she knew it was the truth

"Mer, first… I wanna tell you that I've never intended to hurt you but I…" Meredith didn't let him finish "but you're doing it anyway" she added

"Meredith, please, let me finish, I went to LA because I wanted to see Addison, I'm sorry about that, I needed to tell you the truth because you deserve to know it, and I know the post-it didn't say anything about lying but…" Meredith begun to talk again "If you want to be with her so badly, what the hell are you doing with me? Because I will not stay by you side knowing that you don't want to be with me! I'm not like Addison, maybe she stayed with you knowing that you didn't love her, but I don't intend to do the same thing Derek!"

"That's exactly why I choose in the first place, you're nothing like her, you were the one who picked up the pieces when she broke me, you were like coming up for fresh air, and I really love you Meredith, trust me, I'm not proud of what I did"

Meredith was fighting, trying her best for not to cry, she found the straight to ask him something that was bothering her since the day she discovered Derek was in Los Angeles

"Did you- Did you sleep with her?"

Derek looked at her directly in the eyes, he knew he couldn't lie to her, but at the same time he didn't want to tell her the truth

"Meredith I- I'm-" He couldn't even complete that sentence

"You're a brain surgeon Derek! It's not a difficult question! Yes or no!"

Derek took a long breath trying to find the best way to tell the truth, but it's wasn't a good way to say that

"Yes" He cleared his throat

Meredith looked at him very deeply in the eyes, she never thought Derek would end up cheating on her

"So, I was right… Well, since you slept with your ex-wife, there's something I need to tell you…"

Derek couldn't believe Meredith's reaction, he expected that she yelled at him or that she'll hit him with her handbag, or whatever other thing Meredith has done in the past every time they fight

"After I went to the practice that night, and saw you and Addison, I went to a bar down the street, you know I can't live without tequila, anyway, I found an old friend an did something stupid too"

Just few words came out from Derek's head "An old friend?" He repeated

"Yes, actually, it wasn't an old friend, it was Finn, you know, the vet I used to date when you decided to give your marriage another try" She knew he would remember Finn, Derek couldn't say a word

"The thing is…" Meredith continue "I slept with him"

"YOU DID WHAT?" He raised his voice

"You don't get to yell at me Derek! You don't get to get angry at me for sleep with Finn because you did the same thing with your ex-wife! So, you don't get to judge me for that one!"

"You could've slept with anyone Meredith! You could've picked someone I didn't know! But, you make sure is someone I've seen you with! The only guy I've ever seen be with you!"

"So, it's okay for you sleep with your adulterous bitch ex-wife, but it's something wrong that I've slept with Finn? I really don't understand you!"

"I was trying to apologize Meredith! You have no idea how sorry I was for what I did and how guilty I felt! But now, you're telling me that you slept with the vet like the most normal thing in the world! What do you have to understand!"

"I never intended to sleep with him, I didn't know he was living in LA… _It just happened, he was just there_" That last words made Derek remember the night Addison cheated, he couldn't help but regretting of all the decisions he had taken the last few years, maybe if he would have stay in New York giving a real second chance to his marriage, nothing of this would've been happening

"Meredith…" Derek started to talk again, a little calmed now "What if I wouldn't tell you that I've slept with Addison? You would've told me anyway? Or you would've kept the secret?"

She didn't answer, just looked down, _I wouldn't, I just tell you so we were even, but if you wouldn't confessed, I would've kept the secret, _she thought, but she didn't say that, she just kept in silence

"You don't have to answer, I know you wouldn't"

"Derek I-"

"It doesn't worth to fight anymore" Derek stood off the table leaving her there

"You don't get to walk away Derek! Post-it! Remember? 'never walk away'" She used to repeat the post-it vows every time they fight

"Don't you dare to bring the post-it here! But if you wanna call the post-it , okay! Let's do it! 'Love each other even when we hate each other'! So, I'm not the only one who broke that promise! What about the end of the note? THIS IS FOREVER?" Derek started to raise her voice again, ignoring that everyone was staring at them

"And you know what's the funny part?" Derek continued "I was worried about you, I was thinking about find a way to tell you the truth and don't hurt you, but what I never thought about was that you'd end up hurting me like you just did" He finally left, leaving her alone in the middle of the room

**LA**

Addison was arriving at her house, she immediately saw Amelia in the living room using her laptop, she used to spend the night there researching for her surgeries when Addison wasn't home.

"Hey Addie!" Amelia greeted her former sister-in-law "You're home late"

"Yeah, a patient have a complication, so I had to be there"

"Oh, it's okay Addie, It's not that late though, I just had dinner with Sam at his house" Addison smiled, left her handbag in the couch and sit next to Amelia

"Actually there was not a patient and there was not a complication" She confessed "I was with Sheldon"

Amelia just looked at her in a very strange way

"You were with Sheldon? Or you were talking with Sheldon? Please tell me it's the last one"

Addison couldn't help but laughing

"Amelia he is my shrink, kind of, I always talk to him every time I get confused in my life"

"Oh, let me guess, you told him about my brother? What does he told you?" Amelia was excited that Addison was considering the possibility of be with Derek again, she loved her way too much and she would love if Addison would be a part of her family again.

"Actually he doesn't help me like I would like to, but it's the only person I can talk to and know he wouldn't judge me for what I've done"

"Well, you're probably right… Addie, have you talked to Derek?" She needed to ask her

"No, I haven't since we slept-" Addison realized that even if Amelia was one of her best friends at the moment, she was Derek's little sister "I haven't since he left LA" she tried to amend what she first said

"Wait, are you telling me that you two…?" Amelia asked, she couldn't finished the sentence, it was his brother the person they were referring, it's already weird asking her about her sex-life with him

"Yes, Amelia. He told me he loved me and I told him the same thing, so one thing lead to another and… there you have"

"Addie, does he told you that he loves you? And you're still doubting about him? Look, maybe he made some mistakes in the past, but his not that awful person and you know that, you should believe him"

"Amy, we already had this conversation earlier today, you know how I feel about this whole thing"

"Yeah, you're right; it's none of my business… It's just that you two guys were like a perfect couple, after everything that made you fall apart. I promise I won't say a word about you and Derek anymore, just hear me out, you should think about the good times you had together and I'm sure you won't be doubting about him… Now I'm going to bed, have a good night!"

Amelia left to her room knowing that her little speech about the good times of Addison and Derek would make Addison think about it.

Addison know his little sister-in-law was right, as soon as Amelia left Addison began to remember when she first met Derek, in med school, during the Anatomy class; she started to remember their wedding day, how beautiful she looked with her white dress, even she remembered how great she felt when people started to call her Mrs. Shepherd; she was thinking the long walks she and Derek used to have down the Central Park; and especially she remembered they were the real example of pure love, everybody they knew could say that they were gonna last forever.

She started to feel nostalgic because of this happy memories, she knew those were the best time of her life, and probably that feeling of being as happy as she was with Derek by her side will not come back, now everything was complicated, back then, everything seemed easier.

After a long time of thinking and good memories, she decided to pick up her Blackberry and dialed Derek's number, like she told Amelia, they haven't spoken since he left

"Addie?" She heard Derek's voice

"Hey, I've been thinking a lot" She told him

"About what?" Derek was still distracted after the fight with Meredith

"About us, back in New York, before the affairs and everything"

"Seriously? I've been thinking about us back in New York too" He confessed "I've been thinking about how different our lives were if I wouldn't have left you"

"I guess we'll never know that" There was an awkward silence

"I told Meredith the truth, I haven't seen her since then"

"Oh... I didn't think you would"

"I told you I'm serious with us Addie"

"Yeah I know that, you know what, it was a long day at the practice, I had a lot of work, maybe we could talk another time"

"Addison, we're gonna have this conversation about us someday, you can't just avoid it"

"I'm not avoiding it, I'm just tired"

"Have some rest then, I'll call you tomorrow morning… Oh, and by the way, I think the last time I saw you I forgot to tell you something"

"Derek, I don't wanna talk about it" Addison knew she was being indifferent, but as it was usual, she was scared about the relationship she and Derek could have

"Of course you want to, It felt really great to be with you again" he laughed "Goodnight Addie, I love you"

She couldn't help but laughing too "Okay, have a goodnight" Both of them hung up the phone

_I love you too Derek_, she said to herself, still holding the phone

* * *

**Okay, what do you think? I take suggestions! Review and tell me!**


	9. Chapter 8

**Hey you guys, thank you so much for all the reviews, you're great! I really hope you like this chapter...**

**

* * *

**

A month has passed since the last time he saw her, since the last time felt alive again, since the last time he felt her lips kissing him back. Now he was comforted just to listen her voice twice every week, when he calls her to talk to her. Both of them realized they completed each other and how much they miss the relationship they lost a long time ago. It was something complicated for both of them, knowing they're in different places of the country, but they didn't care, after all, there was still a tiny little chance for them to be Addison and Derek once again.

The last month has been pretty hard, Derek is still not talking to Meredith after she confessed her one-night-stand with her ex- boyfriend, Derek himself knew he was being hypocrite because he did the same thing and maybe it was worst, because he's still in love with Addison. Meredith has told him a million of times that her night with Finn was something meaningless.

After a week of their huge fight, Meredith decided not to talk to him neither, they just talked strictly professional when they had the chance of work together, but after they finish their work, it's like each other doesn't exist. Derek has moved in to the trailer again, he hasn't go back to Meredith's place since after his visit to LA.

Everybody could say the happy couple was over, but the thing is that they haven't talk about that, according to the post-it they're still married, even when lately they haven't act like a married couple.

In Los Angeles, Addison couldn't hide the fact that she was happy about Derek and her, clearly she never stopped loving him and this situation makes her really excited.

After few more therapies with Sheldon, she decided to give Derek a try, she knows Derek's marriage situation, but she knows they both deserve a real chance. Even when Sheldon wasn't exactly agreed with her, because of the hard year she had, including her parents and her romances with Pete and Sam; he recognized that Derek makes her happy even when she knows he may hurt her, she was happy

Addison herself could see that Derek was the only person in the whole world who can make her feel the way she's been feeling the last month. Just the fact of hear the sound his voice every week over the phone, made her melt away.

Some of her friends recognized that they haven't seen her like that in a very long time, Naomi was a little worried about her friend, because even when she spoke to Derek and he told her the way he feels, she was afraid Addison could get hurt again. In the other side, Amelia was really excited about the possibility of Addison and Derek being together again, she really loved her former sister-in-law and she knew her brother was such a better man with her.

This day, was a regular day in the Oceanside Wellness Center, with a regular number of patients, the doctors walking through their offices to the kitchen. Others going to St. Ambrose Hospital to perform surgeries or see their own patients and then going back to the practice.

For Addison, this day was really like the others, she just performed a successful surgery on a pregnant woman, but particularly this day Addison was worried, she didn't exactly know why, but she had a feeling about something was gonna happen. She decided not to think about it and keep it calm, she went back to the practice and went straight to the kitchen, just one person was there, Sam, they were still good friends, but after their relationship, there was still awkwardness between them.

Sam wasn't exactly excited about Addison and Derek, maybe he still had feelings for her or maybe he knew he would end up hurting her.

"Hey" Addison greeted while she was looking for something at the refrigerator

"Hey…" Sam took a deep breath "Addison, I need to ask you something, and I need you to tell me the truth, because I really need to know, and I'm sorry if it seems out of line, but, Do you really love Derek? Or you just want him back so you can just have what you're used to?"

Addison was surprised about Sam's question, but she just smiled at him and calmly answered

"I do, Sam, I know is sudden, but I do love him, and I know he feel the same way about me, and I know this time will be different than the last one, this time he does want me"

"So, he left his wife, right? Because I'm sure we don't wanna see her making another scene here"

Addison started to think, and she knew he was right

"He's- I don't… You know what, you were right, you're way out of line here… Now excuse me, I have to go"

She quickly left to her office and sat in front her desk, thinking about to call or not to call Derek, after what Sam said

When she lifted the phone, she felt someone behind her door, as soon as the person walked in she realized it was Naomi, she immediately knew something was wrong with her

"Okay, what happen to you?" Naomi asked her friend

"What do you think!" Addison said sarcastically

"Well, let me rephrase it, what did Derek do this time?"

"You know, I've been trying not to think about it, but what if Sam is right?"

"What did Sam said? Wait, are you guys back together? Because if you do tell me so I can leave the office before you start to tell me about it"

"No, no, nothing like that! It's just that he thinks Derek won't leave Meredith, and I'm gonna have to get through it all over again"

"And you think he's not gonna leave her?"

"I don't know Nae, I try not to think about it, but just today I realized he's still with her. He tells me that he loves me and this time would be different than the first time, but he's still with her. I think I'm afraid he hurt me again, I mean it took me so long to get over him and now I'm- I'm afraid"

"You were never over him, you used to tell me how much you missed him, remember?"

"I don't know, I love him, but at the same time I'm scared that he would choose Meredith Grey again. Does it make sense?"

"It does sweetie. And you clearly need some chocolate" They both laughed

"It's just, I don't know why, but I have a feeling, maybe it's just me trying to be worried about nothing, but Derek and I haven't spoken since last week, and It's weird because he always call me" Addison confessed

"Addie, he's now running the hospital, maybe he's just too busy, it's not an easy job, give him some time, I'm sure there's nothing to be worry about"

"Yes, you're probably right" She smiled at her friend

**Seattle.-**

Particularly, this day was a very unusual one in Seattle, it was a cloudless sky, which it makes a day special in Seattle, it seemed a normal day in the Seattle Grace/Mercy West hospital, everybody were working hard, with a certain number of patients everybody were busy doing their jobs.

It could have been a very exciting day for all the doctors of the hospital, since they loved the days when they have lots of patients, but sadly they wouldn't remember this day for the patients they had.

Earlier, one man, the husband of one of the patients has been walking around the hospital, which it wasn't that normal, because his wife has died 8 weeks ago. Since the day his wife died, Mr. Gary Clark wasn't the same man anymore, everybody who knew him could said he was a very sweet man, but now he was always in the dark, actually he have spend weeks trying to find revenge for the dead of his wife, so he decided to be a man and actually do something about it, the only way of justice he could see was killing the man who decided to end the life of his wife, he wanted to kill Derek Shepherd.

When he arrived to the Seattle Grace/Mercy West Hospital, he knew it would be the last time he'd ever be there, he knew that he didn't care what would happen to him after this day, but he wanted to make justice for his dead wife.

After he shot three doctors, and killed one, the people inside the hospital knew he was there, he shot every person who walked on his way, even when he was just looking for one person.

Derek was really busy trying to make sure everybody was okay, so he didn't worry about himself; the last thing on his mind was that this shooter was looking just for him. Even when he was on the hospital bridge, and found himself in front of this man, he never thought he was this awful man everybody were talking about, he even tried to make sure he was okay

"Dr. Shepherd." Mr. Clark clearly said, hiding his gun

"Sir, you shouldn't be here. It's not safe." Derek told him very politely, he didn't want another person to get hurt in the hospital.

"I know it's not safe here. That's the point. This hospital isn't safe. You don't recognize me, do you?" He said, after everything, he couldn't believe Derek didn't recognized him

"Mr. Clark. Sorry. I was- There's a lot going on here. I have a situation. You should go someplace safe so you don't get hurt." He actually did recognize him; he couldn't forget him, after the lawsuit against him. But still, he wanted to protect him, not knowing he was the man who was shooting the doctors.

"I'm already hurt. You hurt me when you decided to kill my wife." Saying this, Mr. Clark showed up his gun and started to point at Derek with it, he spent the day walking and shooting other doctors, but the person he really wanted to see suffer was Derek

"Mr. Clark." Derek started to breath heavily, he almost couldn't catch his own breath, if this was his last day on earth, this wasn't how he would wanted to spend it, there was a lot of things he needed to do before die.

"Shut up. No talking. You're not the man here. I'm the man. I'm the man." Mr. Clark yelled, still pointing at him with the gun "I told my wife I would be. I'm the man... And a man looks after his wife. But I didn't. I let you decide that she should die. But I'm man now. What kind of hospital is this? It isn't safe here. Somebody has to protect people... From you... Handing down judgments like you're god..."

"Mr. Clark, please-" Derek tried once again

"You don't get to be god."

"Pl-" Derek stammered

"No talking!" Gary Clark yelled at him again, maybe he should have kill him as soon as he saw him, but he wanted to make him beg for his life and then shoot him, he needed him to suffer as much as he suffered when Derek decided to pull the plug on his wife

"Just... Mr. Clark, listen to me. I know your loss. I lost my father... When I was a kid, Two guys killed my father for his watch right in front of me... right in front of me. I didn't become a doctor because I wanted to be god. I became a doctor because I wanted to save lives. Look at me. Please. Look at me in the eye. I'm a human being. I make mistakes. I'm flawed. We all are. Today I think... For you, is just a mistake. You want justice. You want somebody to pay. You're a good man. I can see that in your eyes" Derek decided to tell him his own experience, maybe if he knows how hard life has been for him, he could actually forgive him for what happened to his wife, he was used to the relatives of his patients acted in a very strange way after the dead of their love one, the big majority used the lawsuit just like Ms Clark did, others just yelled at him calling him murder, but never in his life someone was willing to actually kill him. Mr. Clark started to get down the gun, very slowly, but still pointing at Derek with it

"Can you see it in mine? Can you?" Derek continued, he sounded very calm, even when he was scared to dead, he couldn't think, he couldn't move, but he needed to try this man wouldn't kill him, and he was doing it really great, everything was in silence, only could hear Derek's breathing heavily, his speech really touched Mr. Clark. But, everything changed once one of the newest residents came out yelling where Derek and Mr. Clark were standing

"Oh, Shepherd! Thank god you're back!" Derek quickly turned, but by the time he turned back at Mr. Clark it was too late, he had the gun up again, but this time he actually used it, he shot Derek, the bullet went straight to his chest, he quickly fell, he was bleeding in the ground, he could barely hear Mr. Clark and April Kepner, apparently he was about to shoot her too, but he could barely see she went running and Mr. Clark left too.

He just could think about one single person, Addison, if he died how it will affect her, it would hurt her to death, and they would never had the chance to be together again, if there was one person he wanted to be on his deathbed was her, but it was impossible knowing she was in other city

Seconds after Mr. Clark and April left, he saw Meredith Grey running to see him and help him, she has been crying, she has seen everything what happened to Derek

"Hold on, okay? Hold on. I love you. And I'm sorry for what I did. Please don't die." She was hysterically crying, she couldn't believe what just happened, he couldn't just die, not like this, not after a month without talking to him

"Get outta here, Meredith, before he shoots you, too." He could barely speak, his eyes were closing against his will, he was sure he was dying

"Do not die! Do you understand? I can't live without you. I'll forgive you and you'll forgive me, we both made mistakes, I'm so sorry Derek" Meredith kept talking to him

"I called the police." Cristina walked in and was surprised, normally a situation like this wouldn't affect her, but this wasn't random people, it was her best friend and her husband

"You die, I die. Derek, I know things have been weird between us, but you can not die… Okay, good. They're coming. The police are coming, and you're gonna be okay"

"M- Mer, they're-they're not- they're not gonna get here. They're not coming for us, not-not in time. Oh, god, mer. Mer-" Cristina could barely said, she knew Meredith was paying her attention but she needed to tell her that

"I pick you. I choose you. I forgive you. You don't get to die on me."

"What are we- what are we gonna do?" Cristina tried to tell her again, but she was too busy trying to help Derek

"You don't get to die on me. Open your eyes, if you want to call me a whore, do it, but stay awake!"

"Derek needs surgery, so I-" Cristina knew it wouldn't worth talking to her, because she wouldn't listen, not right now, so she left to find help

"No, you stay awake! Stay awake! Stay awake. Derek! Derek, stay awake. Stay awake. Okay. Okay." Meredith kept yelling and crying hysterically, he couldn't die and even when she knew they were almost over, she needed him.

They couldn't keep losing time, Cristina found April and Jackson, and they took Derek to the OR, since they were no attendings near them, they decided Cristina would operate Derek, so she could take the bullet out of his body. While they were scrubbing in, Meredith was still with Derek, trying to keep him awake.

"Everything's gonna be okay, Cristina is operating you, and you will be fine"

"Mer, I'm sorry, you shouldn't- after everything-"

"Don't Derek, not now, it's okay, I'm okay, you should be happy, and you'll be because you're gonna be okay"

"I promise. I won't die-" He was trying to talk, but it was getting really hard for him

"Thanks God, because it will be the worst break up ever" He laughed but at the same time, he groaned

"Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry"

"Mer, if something happens- just- please, call her" He said it, she was now completely sure about Derek's feelings, he was practically dying and he was asking her to call other woman

"You'll call her yourself, because you're gonna be okay" She told him, it hurt her that he said that, but there was nothing that she could say, not right now.

"Okay, I'm ready" Cristina said, Meredith kissed him on his forehead and left the OR, though she stayed on the scrub room.

That was the last thing Derek remembered.

When he could finally open his eyes again, apparently hours later, he was in one of the patient's room, connected to several cables, the only person who was there was Cristina checking his chart, he had survived, this man shot him and he survived, now he just needed to recover the damages the bullet caused him, but the most important thing was that he was still alive. When Cristina saw his eyes were open, she immediately started to check him, and she saw the surgery was successfully, Derek Shepherd was gonna make it, thanks to her.

"Derek, can you please say something? Can you talk?" She needed to make sure everything was fine

"Call my wife, I need my wife here, please call her, I need her with me" he barely could say, his first and only thought was about his wife, or well, his ex-wife, he needed her with him to have the straight to go through the recovery, and he needed to tell her he survived so they could have their real second chance.

Cristina nodded, thinking he was referring to Meredith, she just smiled satisfactorily knowing he was doing it great.

"Sure, I'll tell her"

Cristina left and went to the Resident's locker room, where Meredith was resting after this awful day they all had.

"Mer, Derek's asking for you" She said with a smile in her face

"Okay" She smiled back

**Los Angeles-.**

Difference than Seattle, in Los Angeles has been a very normal and boring day, after Naomi left her office, Addison spent the day checking patients and performing another surgery in the hospital, she still had the feeling she told Naomi, but maybe she was right, it was nothing.

She went finally to her home, still thinking about Derek and what Sam said; she clearly needed to talk to him, to figure things between them.

When she came home, she immediately saw Amelia from outside, she was using her laptop and talking by the phone, which it wasn't really strange, she always does that, but this time, there was something different, Amelia was crying, and not just a sob, she was hysterically crying, Addison went inside the house as quickly as she could.

"Amelia, are you okay?" She asked worried about his little sister-in-law, Amelia couldn't even speak, she just shook her head, Addison was starting to worry, she has known Amelia since she was a little girl and she had never seen her like that.

"You wanna talk about it?"

"My mother called" Amelia started to say, trying to find the words to tell Addison what happened to her brother.

"Did she? Is everything okay?" Carolyn never calls Amelia, just on Christmas and her birthday, and when she did every other day, it was because something bad happened. Amelia once again just shook her head, trying to tell him not everybody was fine.

"Is- Is Derek, he- he got shot on his chest" Every part of Addison's body started to shake, suddenly her heart started to beat really hard and her hands started to sweat, her whole world fell apart with those words

"Oh my God! Is- Is he- Is he de- dead?" Addison stuttered, she started to cry too, she had a bad feeling and this happened, he can't be dead, he's the love of his life, the only men she has truly loved, he couldn't just die when he's willing to give her another chance, she needed to be happy with him by her side, they're supposed to grow old together.

"Oh, no, no, no. He- he had surgery, but when she called he was still asleep, I- I don't know if it- it went well"

Addison couldn't say a word, she couldn't believe someone would shot Derek, she saw Amelia and she was really scared too, she didn't have a big relationship with Derek, but she couldn't hide the fact that she really loves her big brother.

"I'm booking one ticket for the first plane to Seattle tomorrow morning" Amelia told Addison, a little calm now.

"No" Addison said strongly and taking the tears out of her face "Book two tickets, I'm going with you"

* * *

**What do you think? I actually had to watch the Grey's SF again to write this chapter.. **

**Please review and tell me what you think or any suggestion :)**


	10. Chapter 9

**Hey you guys! Thank you so much for the reviews in the last chapter! You're great!**

**Here's the next chapter about Addison and Amelia in Seattle**

**

* * *

**

**Los Angeles.-**

"You know what? This was a bad idea, maybe you should go by yourself I don't think I should go, you go and talk to him and I'll just stay here" Addison started freaking out while she was packing some things to go to Seattle, she hasn't sleep well that night, after Amelia told her what happened to Derek. Amelia knew it was about time for Addison to start to freak out.

"No, you're going with me, you better than anyone else know that Derek hates me and he would hate me even more if I go without you" Amelia took Addison's hand trying to calm her down, she was definitely not good, it seemed impossible to believe that her ex-husband, the love of her life, got shot and almost die

"I just- I don't think I should go, Meredith is there, all her friends, they're gonna be looking at me like if I was an adulterous bitch, which technically I am for sleep with a married man"

"Addison, don't be so hard with yourself, you know you wanna go to Seattle to see him, don't even try to deny it and I know you don't really care about these other people's opinions, all I know is that you are gonna finish packing and you're going with to take that plane to Seattle and you're going to see your Derek and trust me, I won't take a no for an answer" After all those years knowing the Shepherd family, Addison couldn't understand how a brother and sister so similar in some aspects as Derek and Amelia, could hate each other the way they do. Every time she looked at Amelia's face, especially her eyes, she could see how she looked like Derek, after all, going to Seattle is not a bad idea at all, Amelia is gonna be there, and their friends in Seattle too, so it wouldn't be so hard

"You're good, you know?" She told the young woman, even the way she helped her when she was about to freak out was so Derek

"Yeah I know so hurry up, the plane leaves in an hour" Even in the arrogance she was like her brother.

**Seattle, Few hours later.-**

Every time Addison comes back to the Seattle Grace/Mercy West hospital, she has this feeling that everything would be exactly the same, just like the moment she left; she always thought that the people there would never change. But this time she knew there was something different from the minute she walked in through the hospital, she could feel the people was still afraid, after everything that happened there, they couldn't feel safe anymore, it wasn't a safe place for anyone, this shooter made them damages not only physically but also psychologically. She was completely sure that place and the people who work there would never be the same.

Everybody inside the hospital were grieving, Mr. Gary Clark has killed a several number of people, including himself, however, the people who lived after that tragedy would always had nightmares about him killing their co-workers.

Even Addison was scared, she knew she has to be prepared for everything since the moment she and Amelia left LA, she needed to be prepared to see Derek and how damaged he was, she knew it wouldn't be easy for her, but she needed to be strong for him, she knew that being in Seattle may be a bad idea, she was trying to avoid it in the morning, but she couldn't just stay at home knowing Derek almost died, even if they're not officially together she needed to make sure by herself he was doing okay, not just as the woman he now claims to love, but as one of her oldest friends and practically a part of his family.

"Oh God, Isn't that Mark Sloan?" Amelia said to Addison as soon as she saw Mark checking some charts.

"Hurricane -Amelia? Look at you! You're all a grown up! The last time I saw you, you were packing to go to Med School!" He gave her a big hug, and Mark turned to Addie "Addie! I didn't know you two were coming" Addison just simply smiled; she knew that probably Derek told Mark about them, so she didn't know what to said.

"Yeah, It's been a really long time… Well, my mother called last night to tell me, so Addie and I decided to come here to see how's Derek doing" Addison just nodded

"He's doing great" Mark told the women "I think he's sleeping now, he was still tired for the surgery, but he'll be okay… We're all gonna be okay"

"I hope so" Addison said to Mark, he could see she needed to see Derek, and he knew Derek wanted her by his side.

"Sure" Amelia said, while Mark leaded both ladies to Derek's room. April Kepner was there checking on Derek, his eyes were open, he was still connected to several cables, but he could see Addison was there, the look on his eyes immediately changed, even when he was laying down in a hospital bed he could still manage to give her his particularly McDreamy look. Mark and Amelia quickly noticed that look and decided to give them some time alone.

"Dr. Kepner, this is Dr. Shepherd's sister, Amelia and this is Derek's Ex-wife, Dr. Addison Montgomery, I think they need to be alone" Mark said to Kepner, she has spent a lot of time with Derek since he was admitted as a patient, she felt guilty, she has been blaming herself for Derek getting shot, maybe if she hasn't walked there when Derek and Mr. Clark were talking, he would be okay now.

"Nice to meet you, sure, I'll come back later" April Kepner left the room.

"I'll come back to check you later too" Mark said to Derek, Addison was still looking at him, she never thought see Derek like that, in a hospital bed, surrounded by cables and all that kind of medical stuff, they're doctors, they're suppose to take care of everyone, but they never imagine themselves as a patient.

Mark and Amelia left the room, not knowing if it was a good idea but they knew Derek would be better once he sees her, and for the look on his face when she walked inside the room, he was.

"Addie" Derek could barely said, it was still difficult for him to talk, but it was normal during the process of recovery after the surgery "You're here"

"Yes, I am here honey" She was trying to kept the tears inside, she needed to be strong for him

"I'm happy you're here Addie"

"Don't say anything, I'm here Derek, you know I wouldn't leave you here alone" She held his hand "You scared the hell out of me Shepherd, Don't you ever do that again"

"I won't Addie, I promise"

"You better mean it, because I'm gonna kill you if you scare me like that again Derek, if something would have happened to you, I'll be more devastated and broken as I am now, I know I can live without you, I've been doing that since we got divorced, but I just don't want to, I tried and It sucks, I don't wanna live if I don't have you by my side, if we're not laughing together, if we're not fighting for every stupid thing we're not agree, I need you Derek, all I need to keep breathing is have you by my side, so please, I need you to mean that promise and never let it go"

" I mean it Addie, when that man shoot me and I was bleeding in the floor of the hospital, all I could think about was you, you're the reason I survived Addison, you and no one else, we need our real chance, I can't be without you anymore… I'm sorry for make you come to Seattle; I know how much you hate here"

"Don't be sorry, you know I love you more than I hate Seattle" Both smiled, she made him feel alive again, he couldn't stop looking at her in the same way he used to do it when they met back in med school

"You know, I was right" Addison looked confused now, she had no idea what was he talking about "I was right when I wrote your song, you really bring the life back into me"

"For everyday until eternity?" She asked following the lyrics of the song he wrote for her about 15 years ago the day they got married. Derek just smiled at her while she smiled him back.

"Addie?"

"Yes?"

"Kiss me"

"I was gonna do it anyway" Both smiled again and kissed, for the first time after he got shot Derek Shepherd could say he feel loved and happy, he couldn't start to think about if it was wrong what they were doing, because it'll spoil everything, he just wanted to freeze that moment in time and stay with her forever, not caring about the other people.

"Amelia came with me" She interrupted the kiss but he wanted to keep kissing her "She really wants to talk to you"

"Addie, can we please not talk about my sister while we're making out"

"I'm sorry honey, but I'm serious, she was really scared too and she wants to talk to you" He stopped kissing her and put a bug smile on his face "What?" Addison asked

"You're calling me _honey, _I used to love when you did that" he kept smiling, he wished this moment with him and Addison alone in that room could last forever.

"I know you did" She smiled at him "So, you're gonna talk with your sister?"

"I will, but only because you're asking me to, I really don't want to, you know that I love all my sisters, but they're kinda annoying, especially Amy"

"Come on Derek, that girl really loves you, you're her big brother, I know the way she feels, I don't have the best relationship with Archer neither, but it didn't stop me to bring him to Seattle so you could operate him"

"Well, I guess you're right"

"I'm gonna find Amelia and I'll tell her to come here, she must be outside catching up with Mark, I'll be right back okay" She kissed his forehead

"Please, don't take too long, I've been a month without you and look how I ended up" She laughed again

"It'll be just few minutes, you'll be okay"

Xx

Meanwhile, April Kepner went to the basement where the other residents were hanging out, as it was usual, each of them were affected in one or other way, the people from the Mercy West had lost two of their closest friends, so the residents of the Seattle Grace finally let them to be part of the group, being supportive with them.

The resident of the Seattle Grace had damages too, each of them were affected in their own special ways. All of them were close to be actually dead.

But for Meredith Grey it was harder than the other residents, before of everything happened her life was already complicated and her marriage was about to end. But after this situation at the hospital things were worst, the man she claims to love got shot and he was claiming for his ex-wife, and the only tiny little chance to have her marriage back blew away that same day. Early that day of the shooter, she found out she was pregnant; she knew it was Derek's child because it'll be too earlier if it was Finn's. But after that horrible day and all the pressure she had with Gary Clark pointing at Cristina's head while Derek's chest was open, the same man pointing at her with that gun when she practically asked him to kill her and when Jackson Avery made them think Derek was dead so Gary Clark would leave the OR; the fetus couldn't keep alive with all the pressure causing her a miscarriage, after she had it, the nurses told her the fetus was 5 weeks along, which made it definitely a Shepherd.

She knew she would have to tell Derek at some point, but she couldn't just tell him now, knowing he already felt guilty for all the deaths and even if he was still mad at her it would make him feel worst.

"Hey guys" April greeted all of them

"Shouldn't you be with Derek?" Meredith asked her

"I was with him, but Dr. Sloan came with two woman who was gonna see him and asked me to leave, you should go if you want, I guess you must know them"

"Who are them?" Meredith curiously asked

"One of them was her sister and the other was his ex-wife"

"Addison is in the hospital? When did she come here? And why is she with one of Derek's sisters?"

"I- I don't know, I just saw them, in the room with Dr. Sloan, I don't know anything else"

Cristina knew that Meredith was about to get crazy, after the LA incident she couldn't even hear the name of Addison without fighting, and know knowing she is there, with him makes her life even worse than already is.

"Mer, Let's get out of here" they walked out of the basement "You need to calm yourself down; they know each other for what? Like 20 years? There's nothing going on"

"Seriously Cristina? He was asking for her, when you were scrubbing in to take the bullet out of his freaking heart he was asking for her, he asked me to call her if something happened! So you don't get to tell me there's nothing going on when obviously there is!"

"Meredith you're being ridiculous, I was there when he woke up after the surgery and he was asking for you, remember?"

"And in the minute I walked in he asked for his "Addie"" Meredith said air quoting "When he saw it was me he actually looked disappointed, I had just lost our baby and he was thinking in his other woman, so, do you think there nothing going on between Addison and Derek?"

"You're right, you tried to warn me when you thought there was something between Owen and Teddy, so yes Meredith, I think you're right"

"I think you were right, I should tell him about the baby"

Cristina didn't say anything to her, she would have to tell her sooner or later, right now wasn't the best choice but she knew Meredith wouldn't listen to her.

She went straightly to Derek's room, luckily he was alone, Addison just went out to find Amelia, when Derek saw her he was surprised, he hasn't be with him all day, why now, probably she heard about Addison or probably she just wanted to know how he is, he thought.

"How are you feeling?" She asked, she could notice by the look on his face he was doing better

"I'm feeling better, thanks Mer"

"Look Derek, there's something I need to tell you, I didn't know when or how to tell you so I decided to tell you just now, but remember, I'm still here for you and we're still together"

Derek didn't know what does she meant when she said that they were still together, the last time he remembered they weren't even talking to each other.

"Sure what happened?" He took her hand

"Derek, the day you got shot, remember I told you that I needed to tell you something, right? You were in your office, and we were mad, but I told you that even if you didn't wanna see me I needed to tell you something?"

"Yes, I think I do" He was confused; he could barely remember she looked very excited about it, but he ignored her because he was too busy.

"Derek, I was gonna tell you I was pregnant"

Derek couldn't say a word

"You- We- You're gonna have a baby? Like my baby?" He asked surprised, he didn't expect that, not now he just had a moment with Addison

"It was your baby, I was 5 weeks along, It couldn't be Finn's, it was definitely yours"

"Was? What do you mean with was?"

"That same day, after everything I saw, that man pointing of me with the gun and everything he did… It was too much pressure and I… I had a miscarriage Derek, I'm so sorry" She started to cry "I was really excited about that baby, I'm so sorry I lost it, I know how much you wanted us to be parents"

Derek couldn't believe it, even when he has been mad at Meredith there was a little part of him inside of her, and now it's dead, it was gonna be his first child and now it's dead.

"Mer, It's okay, It's not your fault" He was now feeling worst, he pulled Meredith closer to him and gave her an embrace and kissed her forehead

"It's gonna be okay, everything's gonna be okay" His eyes could feel his tears falling over his face, so he could feel his arm wet with Meredith's tears

He was too busy now grieving his unborn child with Meredith that he didn't actually realized that the door opened and Amelia and Addison walked in there.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, we didn't want to interrupt, I'm sorry" Amelia said surprised because Addison was just telling her about the moment they just shared.

"Amy, Addison, this is not the time" Meredith was still sit next to him and he was still holding his hand, he loved Addison, but right now, he needed to be with Meredith for the lost of their child

"Derek, I was just…" Addison started but Derek interrupted her.

"Not now, please come back later, right now it's not the time"

"It's okay, you two need time" She turned back to Amelia "I'm getting the hell out of here, I told you it was a bad idea." And walked out of the room, leaving behind an image she wished she'd never see again.

* * *

**Please don't hate me for the MerDer end, this is an Addek story all the way :)**

**Please Review and tell me what you think or any suggestion, I'll try to update faster**


	11. Chapter 10

**Thank you guys again for the reviews, you have no idea how happy they make me, I'm really really glad you're liking this story..**

**You'll see more of Amelia in this chapter, I really love that character... Enjoy it :)**

* * *

As soon as Addison walked out of Derek's room, she quickly started to remember the way she used to feel when she lived there, she knew she never wanted to feel that way again and she knew the only way to never get that feeling again was walking out before it was too late.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Amelia told her, she went behind her after Addison left

"I told you I'm leaving, this is too much okay? I can't take Derek holding hands with Meredith Grey, not this time Amelia, if there was something I learn while I was living here is that Derek can't be without Meredith and I can't change that"

"Addie, you know I love you even more than I love my own brother, but you're such an idiot!"

"Excuse me?" Addison said raising an eyebrow

"Yes, Addison, you're an idiot, this is what you want, you wanted to be here with Derek and you're letting him go because you saw him just talking with that woman? You're not like this Addie, you fight until you get what you want, or at least that's how you used to be! And I know, my brother is an ass but at least you should trust him, I saw the way he was staring at you when you walk in the room and it was the exact same way he used to do it before you started to fall apart… So the best thing you can do right now is shut the hell up and go back with Derek" Even though Amelia didn't have a good relationship with Derek she wanted the best for her big brother and she knew that the only women in the whole world who could make him feel better was Addison.

"I'm sorry Amelia you weren't here back then, you may know how we were back in New York, but you have no idea how he treated me here in Seattle, it was a complete nightmare, what we saw in that room was one of the reasons why I went running to LA" Addison confessed the young woman

"If you really feel that way, why have you spent the last few months with him? If you're gonna leave him now, after he got shot, you're not the woman I thought you were"

"I love him Amelia, I never stopped loving your brother and I know I will always do, Derek is not the kind of guy you easily forget, he went to LA and I couldn't just tell him I didn't want him, but seeing him with Meredith right now just took me back to those bad years, you know? And I'm serious when I say I don't wanna go through it again"

"Addie, these people has been through hell these past days, I don't know what were Derek and Meredith talking about, but I know it's not what you think, it's a brother/sister thing…" Addison shocked her head and tried to said something but Amelia didn't let her talk "Just go back to his room; even if you're going back to LA, go there and tell him you're leaving, it would devastate him if he knows you're leaving without saying goodbye… I'll talk to him later, I promise"

"Okay" She simply said, she felt curiosity but at the same time she felt jealous, even when she wouldn't admit it, she was. She decided to take the advice of her little sister-in-law and talk to Derek before leaving, before getting shot he has been really nice to her even nicer than the last years of their marriage. Derek immediately saw her, he knew her too well to know she wasn't exactly happy to see him with Meredith.

"Addie" Derek started "You need to know, Meredith and I weren't…"

"You don't need to explain anything Derek, you and Meredith are married, and after all that you lived with the shooter is good that you're gonna try to make it work, you and I did it and…"

"What?" Derek asked confused "What are you talking about? I'm not going back with her, I told you I wanted to be with you, maybe I've acted like a jerk sometimes but I won't do that to you… again" Addison arched an eyebrow, she was still confused, what she saw it seemed that they were having a serious talk

"So, you're not together?" She curiously asked

"No Addie, I couldn't be with you if I'm with her" He took her hand, but she immediately took her hand back at her

"If you're not together what were you talking about?" She knew that question was out of line and it wasn't her place to ask that, but she knew that something wasn't right there, she never considered herself like a jealous person, but this particular day she totally was.

"Addie…"

"No, no, no, that was out of line, I don't wanna know, it's okay"

"Addison, let me talk" she nodded "Meredith had a miscarriage the day I got shot, the baby was mine… That was all, we're not going back together, but she needed my support in that moment, she didn't want to tell me so I don't feel guilty about it"

"Oh my God, Derek, I'm so sorry, I had no idea… Dear God, she was carrying your child and you weren't with her because of me, I feel awful"

"Don't, Addie the way I see it it's completely different, she was carrying my child and she was sleeping around with other man… I'm not gonna lie to you, it would have been nice to have a baby, but I would hate myself if that child would've be born in a broken home" Derek's word were hurting Addison in a way that no one could understand, they had a chance to have children but they decided to focus in their careers and when she thought they were ready, he became absent, the affairs started and then they got divorced and their time was over, she never thought hear Derek saying that it would've been nice to have a child with other woman

"But still, you were with me and you should have been with her, she wouldn't have sleep with other man if she wouldn't have found you in LA… You need to spend some time with her" She exactly knew how was to lost a baby and to have a broken marriage, she has been there before, sometimes she still thinks about the baby she aborted, she was regretting that decision but if she would have kept that baby Derek would've never take her back.

Addison kissed Derek in the forehead.

"You need to be there for her Derek, she needs you. We should give us some time apart"

"Don't do this Addison! We've been waiting years for this! I don't love her anymore! I love you and I wanna be with you! I love you Addison Montgomery, you don't get to tell me we need time apart! I need you to get through this, you're the only reason I survived"

"Derek, please don't make this harder than already is, you know that I love you too, but I can't be here in Seattle, because now on, every time I see her I know I'm gonna feel guilty about it"

"Addison is not your fault, stop blaming yourself for something you have nothing to do with"

"Probably is not my fault she lost the baby, but it is my fault, our fault that your marriage is almost over"

"Addie, don't talk about my marriage! It's not even a real marriage in the first place; it's just a post-it! And it was broken before I decided to go to LA! And since that moment I'm trying to get back what we lost years ago"

"That's not even what I'm talking about Derek! I'm just saying she needs you right now"

"So do you, about an hour ago you were willing to be with me"

"That was before I knew she lost your child Derek… I'm going back to LA tonight, I just wanted to see you and make sure you're doing great"

"You know I'm not gonna give up that easily, right? I lost you once, and I'm not gonna let that happen again"

"I know you won't" She smiled "And I love you for that"

Xx

Outside Derek's room there was Amelia and Mark, he was the only person besides Derek and Addison that she knew and she could talk to.

"So, what happened with them?" He asked her looking at the door of Derek's room

"I don't exactly know, she has been there a long time"

"Have you talked to him?" Mark asked again, he knew about the bad relationship she and Derek had

"No, I haven't" The young woman simply said

"Amy, you know you wanna go there, what's wrong?" He has always been close to the Shepherds and all of them were like a part of his family since he was a little kid

"Nothing is wrong Mark… It's just Derek, he got shot by a crazy gun man, just like my father, two men in my family have got shot, one died" Amelia's voice started to break "If Derek would've died it'll be the same all over again. You remember how long did I take to recover of my dad's death, right? It took me years. When my mother called to tell me Derek, my big brother got shot the only thing I could think about was smoking, I needed a cigarette and I really hate that feeling, because I don't wanna go back to that dark place again" Amelia confessed to her friend

"You know he is fine now, he just need to rest, but he'll be okay, it won't be like your dad, it might be pretty close but it's definitely not the same"

"I know it's not the same"

"Amelia, it's okay to be afraid sometimes, but trust me there's nothing to be afraid anymore. If you don't wanna talk to him right now it's okay, he's not going anywhere, but you, you show that you really care about your brother by coming here from LA, and if anyone of your family thinks otherwise, screw them! You're here with your brother and neither one of them are here, so it's time for you to stop being the black-shep of the Shepherds and show them they're all wrong" Amelia just smiled at him, he was right.

"People really misjudge you, you know?" They both laughed while a teary Addison was coming out of Derek's room

"Okay, that's definitely not a good sign uh?" Amelia said to Mark, seeing how Addison walked away from them, she didn't wanna talk to them, or that's what they thought

"No, it's not" Mark simply said, but Amelia was too busy seeing in the other side of the hall there was Meredith talking with a patient. "But it is for you, go with Derek" Amelia nodded and went to Derek's room

"Hey Derek" She greeted her brother

"Amy, you know the only reason you're here is because Addison asked me to talk to you, right?"

"I know, it's been always like that, but it's about time for you to stop acting like we're not related, because I'm your sister Derek and that's never gonna change"

"Sadly… Well you can stay here if you want so you can tell Addison we did talk"

"I'm not going, what the fuck is wrong with you? You can't be mad at me forever for something I did when I was a crazy teenager! I know it was wrong in so many levels and I made all of you go through hell, but it's time to let it go, I'm a neurosurgeon now, I graduate of top of my class in Harvard, I might still not be a quite girl but I'm not that same girl who was dead for over three minutes… You're my big brother, you were the one who helped me to get sleep after we were with dad when they killed him and even thought I can't exactly remember that day, I still have nightmares about it… The thing is that you can't hate me forever"

"I guess you're right. You were really little when it happened you know? You were practically a baby, I guess I always wanted you to stay like that little girl" Amelia and Derek smiled "I didn't want you to come here just yet Amy, I didn't want you to see me like this, in a hospital bed, as a patient, I'm your big brother I suppose to protect you from the world. I was gonna call all of you once I get better"

"It's okay Derek; at least mom didn't come… Or Nancy, whose everyday looking more like her" Both Derek and Amelia laughed, while she sits right next to Derek

"I knew I wasn't the only one who thinks that"

"So Derek… You and Addie?" Derek knew it was about time for her to ask that and she wouldn't be one of his sisters if she wouldn't have bring that to the conversation, all of his sisters loved Addison, even more than they love him and they didn't even try to deny it. But it was okay to him.

"Yeah, well… You should know a lot since you're living with her. But yeah, I know I realized too late but I'm trying to make it up"

"I'm glad you're trying, she was a mess when I first went to LA, but now she looks better… Well, you know, before this happened to you"

"Is she? I'm glad she's happy, I can't wait to get out of this bed rest and go to LA again"

"You're going to LA? She's gonna be so excited about it"

"Well, this is the moment when you shut up and don't tell her I'm going, okay? I want it to be a surprise"

"I'll keep my mouth shut, I promise"

"Thank you" He'd never admit it to anyone but he really loved to spend time with his annoying sisters

"What about Meredith? You were talking to her about an hour ago"

"Amy, since you're keeping your mouth shut, you should know that she just lost a baby, my baby actually, so she needs me for a while before I leave"

"God, I'm so sorry Derek"

"It's okay, we're all okay now"

Xx

The cafeteria of the hospital always seem to be just like the cafeterias of the high school, everyone gossip around, groups of doctors hanging out, laughing while they're eating. But this time Meredith Grey was sitting alone in one of the tables, waiting for Cristina who she was paging since several minutes ago. When she finally came she sat next to her.

"What happened? What's the emergency?" Cristina asked while she fixed her hair, Meredith just stared at her like she has no words to say "Come on Mer, you didn't just page me just to look at me"

"Cristina, I think I made a mistake"

"With a patient?" She asked

"No, no. Not with a patient, I think made a big mistake and it might be the hugest mistake I've ever made"

"Oh my God Meredith what did you do?" Cristina was curious, considering all the life of Meredith Grey, if she says it's the hugest mistake she has ever made, it does mean something"

"I told Derek about the miscarriage he was sad about it and Addison walked into the room while I was there" Cristina looked confused

"I'm sorry, but that doesn't seem like a mistake to me"

"Because that's not the mistake"

"Meredith, speak English"

"I'm not sure the baby was Derek's" She simply said

"What? But you said it couldn't be Finn's; you were 5 weeks, right? The Finn thing happened about a month ago"

"Derek doesn't even remember, but the last time Derek and I slept together, we just couldn't even finish, and obviously we couldn't make a baby like that… And then few days later I went to Los Angeles and I found Finn in a bar, which it was exactly…"

"… 5 weeks ago" Cristina completed

"What I am gonna do? I knew I shouldn't have tell him"

Before Cristina could answer her, a young woman who was behind them waiting they finished their conversation approached to them, she couldn't help but listen what they were talking about.

"I'm sorry to interrupt; you're Dr. Meredith Grey, right?" She asked gently

"Yes, I am, Meredith Grey… And you are?" She asked curious, this young woman seemed familiar to her, but she couldn't recognized her until she heard her name

"Okay, I'm Dr. Shepherd, Amelia Shepherd, Mark Sloan asked me to tell you to go to the ER with him, his pager is not working so he asked me to tell you that"

Meredith and Cristina were both freeze it couldn't be just a coincidence, she was definitely one of Derek's sisters, and they both hoped she couldn't hear what they were talking about. Meredith immediately stood up and started to walk next to Amelia, she wanted to ask her if she heard her and Cristina, but she didn't know how. Amelia just saw the look on Meredith's face she knew what she was thinking.

"In case you were wondering, I did hear you and your friend talking about how you just lied to my brother" Amelia walked away thinking what she should do with this new information

* * *

**I needed to do this after how I ended the last chapter, I really hope you like this and review, please? Tell me what you think!**


	12. Chapter 11

**Hey people, I'm back with a new chapter, I'm sorry for the late update! Now I can update more often because I finished school :) Thanks to all of you who take time to review this story! You people rock! This chapter is a little longer than the others, I really hope you like it**

**

* * *

**

"What the hell is happening here?" Derek furiously asked when he heard his sister, Amelia and his "wife" having an argument, he found this situation very strange because the two of them barely talk, they wouldn't have a reason to fight for, well, maybe just one, Addison, Amelia has been on her side since she found out they were trying to get back together, she clearly knows the way they feel about each other and she'd do whatever she can to see them like they used to be.

It has been five days since Addison left Seattle but it was practically like she was there, everybody in the hospital could notice that there was something between the sexy redhead and Dr. McDreamy, they didn't exactly know what, but still, everyone were talking about it.

Derek has been discharged about two days ago and even if he refused, he was staying at Meredith's house so he'll get more attention of all the people who live there if he wasn't feeling good, but thankfully for Derek he was getting better everyday, he couldn't wait to go back on his feet and don't be just a injured man who was just shot, he just wanted to be the best neurosurgeon in the country and be back to normal.

"You know what, I better go out of here, I'm glad you're doing better Derek but I can't be here anymore" Amelia said looking with angry ayes at Meredith, she promised herself she wouldn't say anything about what she heard the other day, but Meredith's behavior made it very difficult, she has been keeping her mouth shut because as much as she wanted to say that the baby that Meredith lost wasn't Derek's she knew it would destroy him, and she just couldn't see her big brother in more pain than he already has been through. "I will call you tomorrow before going back to LA, I don't think Naomi would be mad if I go back a week before of the day I told her" She smiled to her brother while Meredith kept standing there, Derek just nodded and kissed her little sister in the forehead. "Bye Amy!" Derek said and Amelia left leaving Meredith and Derek alone in the living room.

"Mer, I know that Amy might be difficult sometimes but she was just trying to know you, I know she has a reason to act like that" Derek tried to calm Meredith down, since she told her about the abortion he has been trying to be nicer with her. But Meredith didn't say a word.

"What were you talking about?" Derek asked again, he was almost sure there was something about Addison but he didn't want to be the one who brings her to the conversation because he knew they would end up fighting. Meredith sat on the coach and took a deep breath thinking about everything she has done in the last few years, particularly in the last few months.

"Your sister is not difficult, she's just right" Meredith said to Derek while she immediately stood up and went up the stairs, Derek couldn't understand what was happening

"Mer-" He tried to say while he was walking down Meredith's and his room, she was looking for something inside the drawer, he still couldn't understand anything until Meredith finally found what she was looking for and showed it to Derek.

"Why do you have that here? I thought it was in the hospital" Derek said confused when he saw that Meredith gave him the post-it they signed some time ago.

"That's my way to tell you that you can do whatever you want with it" Meredith was trying her best not to cry, but she knew that it was the time to tell him the true, to do the right thing, what she was arguing with Amelia was about the same subject, she was asking her to tell Derek the truth but Meredith kept saying she wasn't ready. "That's our marriage or at least that's what we thought, what I'm trying to tell you is that you're free to do whatever you want with it, if you wanna go and throw them up it's all up to you" Derek had the post-it on his hands, he was reading it again, especially the last part "_This is forever_" He said reading it "This is your way to tell me to get out of your house?" He asked still trying to get what was Meredith's point with this

"No, Derek, this is me telling you that this relationship has no sense anymore, our story is over since we both decided to move on with our lives and even before that, we were over, now all we have to do is admit it" Derek held Meredith's hand.

"I'm really sorry Meredith, this is all my fault, what you did was a reaction for what I did first, I'm really sorry that I made you feel that way, you know that I really love you" He admitted still reading the post-it

"I know you do, you just don't love me enough, or at least not as much as you love _her" _She just said it, Derek knew that at some point she was gonna say something about Addison

"Meredith, we- I never meant to-" He tried to say

"Derek please, shut up, this is not your fault, not even Addison's, this is all my fault" She started to confess knowing the consequences of her acts

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't make this decision because of you and Addison, It's all because of me, only me… well and Finn too" Derek didn't see that one coming; he knew that they had one-night-stand but that was all.

"What does the vet has to do with this?" He asked starting to get suspicious about his 'wife'

"Derek, the thing is" She took a long and very deep breath before say something, she was trying to find the right words to say this, but there was no right words to tell that kind of things "Derek, the baby I lost wasn't yours, it was impossible that you and I could procreate a baby the last time we had sex, it was impossible, I see you don't even remember that night…" He did, that night was the day when he started to remember Addison, but the sex with Meredith was barely on his mind, he couldn't exactly remember that detail "and…" Meredith continued "…according to how long I was, the day the baby was conceived was when you…"

"When I was in Los Angeles" He completed, Meredith could see how Derek's eyes weren't looking at her in his own McDreamy way, now all she can see there was disappoint and how furious he was at the moment

"Derek please say something" Meredith was starting to get desperate with his silence

"THERE IS NOTHING TO SAY MEREDITH! WE ARE OVER AND I'M GOING THE HELL OUT OF HERE" He yelled now, he never thought that Meredith would be the kind of person who does that, apparently 6 years together weren't enough to know her true personality

"Derek please, I know there's nothing I can say in my favor but please stay here at least for tonight" She said crying and taking his arm when he tried to leave, she knew she has to be prepared for every reaction of Derek. He just turned back and saw her straight in the eyes, with the same angry glance, finding hard to believe that Meredith, his Meredith, the woman he used to say he saved him from the mess that Addison made years ago, would do that to him, maybe he could expect any other things from her but not a lie like this one.

"What if you wouldn't lost the baby? You would have let me raise it as my own child and then take that away from me? Or you just were waiting for the right time to tell me after the baby was born?" He asked, expecting an answer, but Meredith kept in silence "ANSWER ME!" He yelled again but she couldn't say a word

"Okay, that's fine, your silence says everything" He said going near the door, but when he was about to leave he realized he still had the post-it on his hand, he showed it to her and broke it in several pieces right in front of her face and after that he just drop it and it fell on the floor, for him that was the kind of divorce they deserved and probably that was the end of them.

"Derek- don't do that, you know how much that post-it meant to us" She said crying and seeing on the floor the pieces of the post it they used to call 'Their marriage'

"I don't give a shit about a freakin' post-it Meredith! I have almost all my stuff in the trailer, the things I have here you can sell it or donate them to charity, I don't care what you do anymore"

"Derek, please don't, I'm sorry-" He could hear Meredith crying, but still he walked out, he left her there and walked away, he just couldn't deal with it, not now, not in few months. Maybe that's his reaction on every situation like that, he didn't exactly know, all he knew in that moment was that the chapter of his life with Meredith Grey was over, now for real, now forever, she was probable right when she said that they were over before that.

Maybe he was overreacting, he cheated on her with his ex-wife, he told her that he loved his ex-wife, he wasn't the good guy everybody thought, but he couldn't deal with all of that, he needed to be alone, get a little drunk and then start to think about his life without Meredith.

That particular night made him remember when he left New York, when he left Addison, when he left all behind and changed his life for this work in Seattle, he thought he would do better there, a place where he wouldn't have to handle his ex-wife and a place where he would find a woman totally different than Addison, and that's what he did, what he didn't know was that it would be over in a strange, cruel and similar way, however all he wanted to do right now was get lost in his trailer just like he use to do when he gets mad or when he's hurt, just like he is right now, even if he has repeated himself that he's gonna be okay and that he didn't care about Meredith, he was lying, of course he was hurt, that's why he wanted to stay away from her, now he can't even look at her face.

Few hours has pass and he was sitting outside of his trailer with a glass of scotch on his hand, now he wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or it was what he really wanted to do, but he had this need of calling Addison, he haven't talk to her since she left Seattle, he missed her, he missed her beautiful face, her incredible read hair and soft voice, he missed his Addie, now he wasn't even thinking about Meredith, all he wanted to do was call Addison, she always know what to do, he knew that she would tell him to do something and not just get drunk with bottles of 18 years old scotch.

He took his phone and immediately dialed Addison's number, he perfectly remembered it, he waited for her to pick up her phone.

In California, Addison was already sleeping, it was really late, Derek probably lost the track of time but Addison didn't know that, when she checked her phone still sleepy, she saw Derek's name on the screen of her blackberry, she turned on the lights on her lonely room and sat in the bed

"Der- what.." She yawned "Is there everything ok?" She asked worried about the hour he was calling her.

"I miss you Addison, I need you with me right now, I shouldn't let you go when you came here, I should've been better for you, I don't know why you are still interested to be with me knowing that all I do is hurt you, even when I don't want to"

Addison clearly got it, Derek was drunk, and not just drunk, he was extremely drunk, she knows him too well and she can read him like a book, even if she is half-sleep and he is miles away.

"Derek, honey, it's really late and clearly you're not under your five senses right now, whatever you did we can talk about it tomorrow, ok?" She was too sleepy to fight because he woke her up

"She cheated, I know that we did the same thing, but she- the baby she lost wasn't mine, she made me think it was, but it wasn't, she confessed today, and I left her house and I'm on the trailer. Why would someone do that? I never thought she was that kind of person, you know?" He told her; when she heard that Addison sat again in her bed, now a little more awake.

"Honey, I'm so sorry, I don't know what to say to you"

"Don't say anything just to know that you're here on the phone with me makes me feel a little bit better"

"Derek I'd love to spend the night…" She looked at the clock on her bedside table "the midnight…" She corrected "talking to you, but I have to go to work really early tomorrow at the practice, I promise I'll call you in the morning"

"No, you won't" He simply said

"Of course I would, why do you think I wouldn't?" She realized again that Derek was drunk "You know what? We'll talk tomorrow, Okay? Take care and don't you dare to drive to somewhere under your condition, Shepherd"

"You know, I might surprise you Addison, we'll talk tomorrow then"

"Ok, then. Take care. I love you" She told him knowing he wouldn't remember anything the next day

"Not as much as I love you Addie" Too bad he was drunk, she used to love when he said that when they were married

Xx

The next day Addison went to the practice later than the usual, after Derek hung up the phone she couldn't sleep very well, when she arrived there wanted to go straight to her office, but she saw Amelia having breakfast in the kitchen, that surprised Addison, she didn't expected Amelia until the next week.

Addison went to the kitchen to greet her, probably Amelia being back in LA has something to do with Derek's drunken call in the middle of the night or maybe she knows more details about what happened between Meredith and Derek.

"Amelia! I thought you were in Seattle"

"Yes, I don't know how you could live there for two years, it really sucks over there and those people who live with my 'sister-in-law' they're like zombies, however, is really crappy there" Maybe Amelia doesn't know what happens between them, Addison thought, she didn't wanted to sound too desperate, she knew she'll find out eventually "And I can not stand my beloved sister-in-law anymore, I hate to say this, but Nancy was right, she is way too annoying" Amelia confessed while she was finishing her cereal. Addison just smiled and didn't say anything, but Amelia quickly got it.

"You know something that happened after I left, don't you?" Amelia anxiously asked

"Maybe" Addison said while she was opening the refrigerator to take a glass of green juice "I don't know Amelia, your brother called me but he wasn't- he couldn't tell me what was exactly happening" She continued trying not to say too much because probably Derek wouldn't want her to know what he told her last night

"Meredith told him about the baby, didn't she? That's why you're telling me this?"

"How do you know that?" She asked surprised, she knew Derek would never tell Amelia something like that, but it was feasible that Derek would call her too during his drunken hour

"Come on Addison, you know that I can practically read your mind, I found out about you and Mark before everyone else; and I knew you were with Sam when you two were hiding your relationship"

"Well, yes, you're right, let's go to my office and we'll talk there"

The two women walked till Addison's office but they saw someone there, someone that wasn't a patient, this was Derek, he was there, he wanted to surprise Addison, after their midnight talk it took him like 5 minutes to figure that all he needed was her, he needed to see her face to feel better. After he woke up very early, he picked few things and went to the airport and took the first plane to LA, he tried to go to Addison's place but he knew that she would be at the practice, so he went straight to the practice to surprise her.

"Oh my god, Derek! When did you come here?" Amelia asked hugging her brother when she saw him, Addison just smiled amazed that Derek was there, he would never expected him to go back there, apparently his drunk phone call was more than that

"Hey Amy, I just came from the airport, I told Addison last night that I might surprise her, so this is me surprising you" He said turning back to Addison went near to her and gave her a long embrace and kissed her forehead, Amelia was still there "Okay, I love you two, but I can't see this, I'll see you two later" Amelia left while they were laughing, after they made sure that she had left he immediately kissed her in a very passionate way and after that he gave her his particularly McDreamy smile

"I actually like this kind of surprises, I think you should surprise me everyday" She said smiling while both of them sat on the couch "So, I guess you'd like to talk about last night?" She asked

"Actually, I don't, there's nothing to say about it, the only thing that matters is that now we're free, we're free to be together, is you and me against the world, Derek and Addison, we've waited too much for this, I was shot and I almost die, but now I'm here next to you, is now our time to be together… again" Addison just nodded as Derek rubbed her face with his hands

"What about your job in Seattle? We live in two different cities"

"Addie, we're together right now, we will take care of that later. What happened last night made me confirm how I feel about you and how bad I want us to be back together, but this time for real"

"Thank you Derek" He kissed her once again

By this time, everyone in the practice knew that Addison's handsome ex-husband was there once again, everyone but Sam who needed a consult from Addison for a pregnant patient with a heart disease, surprisingly for Sam, he saw Derek with her talking in her office, he just took a long breath and decided to go in, he would try to keep it professional, after all, Addison was not just an ex-girlfriend, she was her friend so does Derek.

"So it is true, you're here" Sam said smiling at the moment he entered to the office "Hey man, you really scared us, you know? We were all worried about you" He said greeting Derek.

"Thanks man, I'm really glad to see you, we should catch up later, are you free for a drink later? I invite" Derek asked his old friend.

"Yes, I have a surgery in a couple hours but I'll be free by the afternoon, by the way I need you for a consult on the hospital Addison"

"Yes, of course, I'll be there as soon as possible" She said nodding

"Ok, I'll see you later then" He was about to leave but when he was at the door he turned back to say something else to Derek "Oh and thank you for being so understanding with this, I was afraid that things would've been awkward between us because what happened between me and Addison" Derek didn't understand and looked at Addison trying to know what does Sam meant with that, but by the expression on Addison's face he knew she wouldn't say anything

"What do you mean?" Derek curiously asked again

"Well, you know that we were together for a few months, right?" Sam told him assuming that Addison had tell Derek about this, but when he saw both of Addison and Derek's reaction he knew he has made a huge mistake saying that comment.

"Can you please give us a second, Sam?" She told him trying to get to tell Derek about her relationship with Sam, she knew it was about time for him to know about this, but that was something she needed to tell her by herself and not with Sam at her side "I'll be on the hospital in a few minutes, ok?" She continued, Sam just nodded and walked out of the office, he knew that he shouldn't have said that and he felt bad for that, he wasn't exactly happy about Addison and Derek getting back together, but he wouldn't get them apart because they are his friends and he knows how much they love each other

"So… You and Sam?" Derek asked

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I thought you knew, I thought Amelia had told you or Callie or Mark"

"Well they didn't, you could have told me before, you know?"

"Yes, like we used to talk everyday when you were with Meredith" She said sarcastically "Derek, are we gonna make a big deal about this? I know it wasn't the best decision I've ever made, I know he is my best friend's ex-husband and it was wrong in every single way. So, I'm just saying that whatever you're gonna do, do it now, I mean, If you wanna yell at me or If you wanna leave do it now, because if you don't do it right now I'm gonna be hurt and damage because of you again and I can't take that, no anymore" Derek just laughed with this little speech from Addison.

"Addie" He rubbed her face with his hands "I'm not gonna yell at you and I'm not gonna leave you, I need you to understand that, I need you to believe me that this time it's gonna be for real and neither one of us is walking away. I'm not telling you that I'm not surprise about that, I've never thought about the two of you…" He made some gestures with his hands, but Addison gave him a look "Okay, but that's on the past, you were free to be with whoever you think it was right, it doesn't matter right now, ok?" She smiled him back and then he kissed her on the lips.

"Thank you" She told him

Xx

After Derek went out of Addison's office, he started to walk down the practice trying to find Amelia to have lunch with her while Addison was still in surgery, but surprisingly for Derek, he found Sam once again in the lobby. Sam immediately saw him too, he decided to go talk to her, wondering what would Addison had told him about their relationship.

"You're in everywhere today, Shepherd" Sam told Derek while he sat next to him

"Yeah, I'm waiting for Amelia to have lunch with her"

"Man, I wanna tell you that I didn't mean to have feelings for Addison, but it happened and I'm sorry, I don't know what she told you but-"

"It's okay Sam, I'm not mad or anything, what you two did is on the past, and you're one of my oldest friends, it is okay"

"Thank you, and just for you to know I really love Addison and she was everything to me but-"

"Do you have any point with this?"

"What I'm trying to say is that is always been you, she has try to move on but you're her guy and nobody can change that"

"How can you be so sure about that?"

"Well, I know you probably won't like to hear about my relationship with her, but our first kiss-"

"Okay I don't wanna hear that"

"You do, let me finish, when we first kissed, her words right after had nothing to do with me, she said to me 'you're not Derek'. The point is that you've always be her guy, even when you were happily married to Meredith, for her you still were Derek and Addison. I tried to change it but I couldn't, she really tried, but as I said, is always been you, you are MFEO" Derek looked at him like he didn't understand "Meant for each other, God, I'm starting to sound like my 16 years old daughter" They both laughed, but Derek was speechless, when he was in Seattle, before everything happened this time, he assumed that Addison had no problem moving on, he hadn't, all this time he just denied his feelings for her, but it didn't work very well for him, Addison will always be his wife, no matter what, she always will be the love of her life.

* * *

**So, what do you think? Review and tell me :)**


	13. Chapter 12

**Hey you guys, I was gonna write something totally different, but it's almost Christmas and it's Addison and Derek's season, so I couldn't just write a sad chapter, so this one is all about Christmas, I really hope you like it**

**And once again thank you so so much for your reviews!**

**

* * *

**

When he opened his eyes that morning, he was happy to see Addison still sleeping next to him, he was admiring her naked body slightly covered with the sheets, that moment felt just right, he knew that this was the life he has chosen since the moment he proposed to her, even though they both screwed up in the past, this time he felt just right, be with Addison, the redhead he has been in love with since the moment he met her was there next to him, she was his and no one could take that away from him.

In that moment, he realized that his Addie was waking up, she knew he was staring at her and she couldn't help the fact that she loved it, even in her crazier dreams, she never thought she would be waking up next to Derek again in this life, but the reality was completely different, he was actually there with her, on her bed, in a very long time, Addison Montgomery could say she was happy.

"Stop staring at me" she managed to say while she covered her head with the sheets that were covering her entire body.

"I'm sorry, but I can't help it" Derek immediately responded taking off the sheet from Addison's head and kissing her in the lips "It's not my fault to have a sexy ex-wife like you" Addison just gave him a look, though she was still sleepy she knew the word ex-wife wasn't the right one in this moment "Oh, right, I'm sorry, I guess that you're my girlfriend then" he laughed

"I think that we're way over the boyfriend and girlfriend thing, but ex-wife and ex-husband sounds worst, I guess we just have to be Addison and Derek, without any kind of label"

"Yes, you're right, besides being Addison and Derek is way more better" She just smiled, kissed him and sat on her side of the bed, still holding the sheets covering her body

"Addie, you know, I was thinking..." he started while he was getting up "I was thinking about Christmas, I mean, it's almost Christmas Eve, and I know that you love the season, so now that we're together, I don't know, we should do something that day"

At the moment Derek said the word 'Christmas' immediately got Addison's attention

"I thought you were going to spend those days with your family" she slapped

"Well, let me see, spending the holidays with the woman I love or spending it with all my annoying sisters, their husbands, their kids and my mother.. Where do you think I wanna be" Addison just smiled while she finished putting one shirt on.

"What about Seattle? You told me you had to go there to talk to Richard"

"And I will, but right after the holidays, I wouldn't change to do something together with you for anything in the world, especially Seattle"

"With something together you mean?"

"Well, we could invite your friends here, or if you don't want people in your house it could be just you and me"

"Oh, It's okay I'm really happy that you want to spend Christmas with me, and that you're actually planning stuff like this, it's just that... Since I moved here I haven't celebrate Christmas, even Naomi says that I'm the Grinch" Derek just laughed with Addison's words.

"Are you serious Addie? Because I clearly remember that you decorated our house every Christmas and it was always looking like the North Pole"

"Well, I guess I changed, it's not my thing anymore, let's not make a big deal about it, okay?" she simply said while she started to brush her teeth

Derek went walking downstairs, trying to think why Addie would hate this season, he perfectly remembered that this was their season of the year; he remembered the day he promised that it will be their season and how happy they were back then.

**FLASHBACK- DECEMBER 1996**

Derek and Addison Shepherd were in their living room, drinking hot chocolate, sitting in front of the fireplace in their brownstone, today it was two years since they got this house and they were extremely happy to have it, especially for this time of the year, knowing this was Addison's favorite season, since the moment they met in med school, spending the holidays together have been one of the nicest things for them. Derek was never the kind of guy who loved Christmas, but after he met Addison this feeling totally changed, the fact of seeing his wife so excited with the decoration, listening Christmas songs and buying Christmas presents for everyone on the family made him the happiest men alive.

"Der, I'm gonna send today the presents for your family, I brought your mom Egyptian sheets, do you think she will ever forgive me for what I did to your sister in thanksgiving and stop hating me?" Addison asked her husband while he hugged her and kissed her in the forehead

"Addie, I told you she's okay, she doesn't hate you, I mean, it's not like you wanted to poison Nancy on propose" He just laughed and took his wife hand

"Don't laugh Derek, I don't want your mom or anyone on your family to be mad at me, I know she is"

"Well, If you would have made the hot dogs after that, she wouldn't…" Addison gave him a look "Okay, I'm sorry, I'm not bringing the hot dogs thanksgiving subject again… But, yes, I think she'll love it"

"Thanks, do you think they would want to spend Christmas Eve with us?" She asked him while she finished her cup of hot chocolate.

"Honestly, not in a million of years, I think the best thing you've ever done is poisoning Nancy, well, the best thing besides marrying me" Both husband and wife laughed, Derek continued talking "What about Bizzy and The Captain? Do you want to invite them to spend Christmas here?" He asked

"No, I don't, you know I love my parents, but only if they're far away from me"

"So, that's really good" Derek told his wife while he stood up, but Addison wasn't sure that she got what he was telling her.

"What? That I want my parents away from me?"

"No Addie, this Christmas will be just the two of us together, no one else"

"Oh, I think I like that part" She said to her husband very excited about what she was hearing

"You know what? We should make a pact" Derek said to his wife while she was admiring the lights on the Christmas tree that she particularly decorated.

"A pact?" She asked him again, not knowing what he was about to say

"Yes, we should make this part of the year, Christmas, our season, if we ever got mad or fight for whatever thing on the world, by this time we know we'd have to let it go, because this would be our season to be together and our season to remember why did we fall in love in the first place, our season to be the happiest husband and wife and our season to be just Derek and Addison, not the doctors, just us, Derek and Addison Shepherd. What do you think?"

In that moment the only thought on Addison's mind was how lucky she was for met him, it was like her husband everyday made her fall in love even more for him, and she loved that feeling, Derek was the only guy in her life who could make her feel like that, he was the only person in the whole world who made her believe that maybe there was a happily ever after.

"Let's do something better, we won't make a pact, is a promise, a promise that whatever it happens, every Christmas we would remember why we're together, and how lucky we are for that, is a promise that this will be our season"

"Okay, is a promise then, now Christmas is officially Addison and Derek's season, I love you so much Addison Shepherd" He saw the look on Addison's face and he could notice she was crying, Derek started to ask himself if he has done something wrong, but he remind that Addison was a very sensible woman when it comes to Christmas, that was another thing he loved about her, her feelings.

"Thank you Derek" Addison took off the few tears over her face and continued "Thanks for being this awesome husband and not just like the others who doesn't care about their wives, you're such a cutie when you're with me, sometimes I feel so lucky that I think I'm dreaming, but thanks God I'm not, I love you Derek Shepherd, and I want all days would be like Christmas for us"

"They would be honey, I promise you they would be" He kissed her and took her in his arms, this was one of the best feelings for him, he loved to have Addison on his arms.

"Merry Christmas, Derek"

"Merry Christmas, Addie"

**- END OF FLASHBACK**

But then, he finally got it, he knew he was the reason why Addison hated Christmas, her first holidays in Seattle he confessed her that he was in love with other woman, he knew that it was low, even for him, back then he was just trying to make Addison feel like he did when he found her with Mark. But right now, he knew he was a jerk back then and he hated himself for that.

Back in her room Addison was thinking about Christmas too, about the same reasons Derek was thinking, about how she started to hate that particular day that she used to love, because every time she sees something related to Christmas she saw Derek telling her he loved Meredith.

Addison was remembering all the times that Naomi has invited her to spend Christmas with her but she always refused telling her that she rather to get drunk alone in her house having painful memories that only alcohol could help to deal with them.

Besides her Christmas in Seattle, she remembered another day, the day that her marriage officially started to fell apart, the day she made one of the biggest mistakes of her life, the day that she realized that Derek was ignoring her and the day that her life changed in ways that she would never imagine.

**FLASHBACK DECEMBER 2003, **

**CHRISTMAS EVE**

The Christmas decoration this year was totally amazing, the Christmas tree was beautiful than ever, everyone in the neighbor or even in the city, could notice that this particular brownstone was really beautiful, an awesome married couple have been living there for few years, they were both world-class doctors, they seemed happy, everyone could say that.

But the truth was totally different, they were slowly falling apart, though no one could ever notice, behind all the decoration inside this wonderful house there was this woman who used to cry every night before sleep, she missed her husband, she missed the man she fell in love with, and even when he was there, he wasn't the same person he was, he started to ignore her, to chose his work over her, to have successfully career, but leaving his wife behind, they didn't even tried to fight or at least talk to make it work.

This Christmas eve, all of Derek's family was there in their house, including his mom, his four sisters, his nine nieces and five nephews. Addison's family was there too, Bizzy, The Captain, Susan and Archer, plus, some friends who joined them as well, Mark, Savvy, Weiss. Just one single person wasn't there, and the only one who could make Addison happy in this day, her husband, he wasn't there, apparently he was gonna spend the night in the hospital, working and dealing with other people's problems instead of his own.

After the dinner was over, everyone started to leave the house, thanking Addison for have them there and wishing her a Merry Christmas, everytime someone asked about Derek she simple said "There was an emergency at the hospital, he would be here in any minute" She had repeated that phrase that much in that same night, that she was starting to believe it herself, even when very deep down she knew it wasn't true, Derek's sister started to notice the absence of their brother, but when they tried to say something to Addison, she denied it, telling them that they were just fine, and there was nothing wrong, again she lied.

When Addison thought everyone had left she sat in the same couch where her husband promised that something like this would never happened, and started to cry remembering those days, and principally she was crying because she wanted her husband back and not this workaholic who never thinks about his family.

She was too busy crying, that she didn't notice that one of her guests was still there, Mark was behind her, but he was expecting the right moment to tell her he was leaving, he saw she was crying but he didn't want her to know he was there. At the moment she saw him, he went next to her and took her in his arms.

"He didn't have an emergency surgery, right?" Mark was like a brother to Derek, so he knew him better than anyone in his family, he knew how he acts and he knew practically everything on Derek's mind.

"No" Addison said trying to calm herself down "This morning when I told him that all our family was gonna come he simply said that he voluntarily took a shift in the hospital for all the night and that he wouldn't be here, he's been acting like that all year, I don't even know why and he doesn't want to talk about it, I hoped he would change and be himself again by this time because after all this is our season, but he haven't, I'm worried that he's not the same man anymore"

"Addie, Derek is just an asshole, if he doesn't wanna spend Christmas next to you, is because he is completely insane, every man in this world would be lucky to have you and he doesn't appreciate that, he has becoming a work addict, I know that, but he shouldn't take you for granted"

"I love him Mark, I don't wanna believe that, but it hurts, it hurts so much seeing that he doesn't even care about me anymore" Addison started to cry again in Mark's arms "And I know I might be stupid for making excuses for him over his family and make myself think that right now he is thinking about how miserable he is for not being here, but I can't just imagine my life without him, I just can't"

Mark was listening Addison crying and complaining about Derek, he knew she was vulnerable and he knew that there was only one way to make her feel better, he kissed her, and surprisely for him, she kissed him back, he has always had a crush for Addison, but his best friend saw her first, but now that he was making her suffer, he simply couldn't stand her to look at her like that.

That kiss was longer than they thought, even when Mark knew that Addison would be probably thinking about Derek, he didn't care.

"Oh my god!" Both Addison and Mark heard, Amelia was staying there and Addison completely forgot about it, by the time they tried to say something, she wasn't there, she went running to the kitchen before she could see something else.

"This shouldn't have happened, this never happened Mark, I'm sorry, I was sad and-"

"You don't have to say anything, this never happened, I'm gonna leave now before Amy comes back, I'm sorry Addie- I shouldn't have-"

"Mark, please leave- Just- leave" She just said while he walked through the front door and left, immediately she went to the kitchen where Amelia was, waiting for them to finish so she could go back to her room

"Amy, let me explain" She started, Amelia has been always been close to her, but she loved her brother way too much, Addison wasn't sure she would keep the secret.

"Addie, you don't have to explain anything, I didn't see anything, nothing ever happened, I won't say anything, I know my brother is a jerk, but I promise that I'll keep my mouth shut because I didn't see anything"

"Thanks Amy, and just for you know, that was the first time I do something like that, and I'm sure it'll be the last, you know how much I love your brother and that I would never hurt him, I never meant to kiss Mark"

"Addie, I don't blame you, my brother is a jerk, he left you attending his Christmas party all by yourself, I get you. Addie, relax, you're secret is safe with me"

**-END OF FLASHBACK**

When she went downstairs, she found Derek in the kitchen making waffles for breakfast, he was almost finishing when he saw her

"Addie, I know I'm probably the reason why you hate the holidays now, I know that I was an ass, and that we both messed up before. But we're starting over now, we're trying to have our relationship back, and we can't do it if we're not like the young Addison and Derek, I want us to be those crazy kids again, who were crazy in love, can we just have it back?" he finished, holding her hand, trying to make her know he is willing to be just like that boy.

"You know what? You're right, I'm just making a big deal about it, the reason why I didn't celebrate Christmas was because the meaning of that holiday is being with the most important persons to you, and for me Derek, that's you, you were my reason to be excited about Christmas, so I couldn't even put a Christmas tree because, knowing that you weren't there had no sense, for me, there is not Christmas without you.. But now that you're here and that you want to spend that day next to me, I think I could get in the Christmas mood again"

"Now that's my girl" He told her, getting close to her "Now come here" He hugged her and she started to cry and laugh at the same time "Feeling better?" he asked her, but she just nodded with a smile in her face

"Well, since we are officially spending Christmas together, I wanna tell you that I'm keeping the promise I made you years ago in the brownstone, remember?"

Of course she did, but she never thought Derek would remember something they talked so long ago, everyday since the weeks he has in LA, he surprised her with little things like that, everyday he prove her that he loves her, so she could trust him again like she used to do, he wanted his best friend back too, he wanted her to feel like that again

"God, I can't believe you remember that"

"Of course I do, that's why Christmas is our season, that's why I wanna spend every Christmas with you, and I want this one to be perfect"

"I don't want something perfect, all I want is something real" She responded, remembering how often Sam used to tell her that he was the perfect man, and it didn't work out very well at the end. He just kissed her once again

"Addie, I need to talk to you about something, after the holidays I'm going back to Seattle" But before Addison could say a word he continued "I'm going back there for a few days, I have my letter of resignation here, I made it the first day I came here and after that I'll move here, to be close to you"

"Wait, are you gonna move here?" She asked, Derek hasn't exactly answered that question, he kept avoiding it since the moment he has been there with her.

"Well, you live here, I don't wanna be in other city far away from you, I want you to have your space so I'm starting to look for a house near here, so you can come over any time you want or I can come here whenever you want, we will be together, now for real, Addie, I want this second chance to work and someday when I finally gain your trust again, maybe we could get married again"

"A-are you asking me to ma-marry you? Again?" She nervously asked, obviously Derek wanted her to know he was being sincere with here this time.

"Not right now, I'm up to wait, I mean we haven't been back together that long for that kind of things, but I know we will eventually and I just want you to be ready for that question eventually. If we're gonna be together I want you to feel everyday like if it was Christmas"

"Thank you" She said while she hugged him

"Merry Christmas Addie"

* * *

**What do you think? Review and I'd know! Merry Christmas :) **


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N**: Hey guys, so I'm back with this story... I'm really, really sorry for not update this before.. I hope you're still interested on reading this :) I wanna thank to BadassGenius for beta-read this chapter... And to you guys for your reviews... I hope this new chapter is worth the wait

* * *

For Addison Montgomery and Derek Shepherd the last couple of months had been just great. He left his job at Seattle Grace Hospital and started to move to LA, just like he promised. After a lot of talking with both Naomi and Charlotte they gave him a job at the practice and in the hospital. Everybody could say that they were doing just great.

But working together wasn't easy, at least not for them who were starting over after everything they went through. Life together for Addison and Derek was turning out to be more difficult than they first thought, even more difficult than the first time, but this time they had promised each other that they wouldn't repeat the same mistakes they once did.

This morning was a very regular one at the Oceanside Wellness. Everyone was busy working with their patients, this time Derek was working with Naomi, he hadn't seen Addison all day, he knew that she was probably as busy as him.

He admired all of his new co-workers, how good doctors they were and how patients loved them all, he was proud he joined this group

"Have you seen Addison? I haven't heard of her all day" Derek asked Naomi while they were leaving the patient in the exam room.

"Yeah, she's with a patient in the hospital… I think she's working with Sam today"

"Oh…" Naomi could notice by Derek's awkward look that he wasn't exactly happy with Addison and Sam working together

"Is there everything okay?" She asked him trying to fill her own curiosity

"Yeah, yeah… It's just- how can you just be okay with them together? I mean, she told me everything and still I can't even picture it. How did you manage to see them everyday knowing that they were portraying your trust?" Derek asked her back. He had never being really honest about the thing between Addison and Sam, he pretended he didn't care because now it didn't mean anything, but he knew Naomi would totally understand him

"I don't know Derek, it was really mature from me"

"Too mature, I'd say… I don't know if I'd handle it"

"Well, I'm not gonna lie to you. I wasn't exactly happy about it, when I found out I started to second guessing every single memory of my marriage with Sam but me being mad wasn't gonna stop them from being together so I started to pretend I didn't care and moved on with my life because that is what we do, that's what adults do… Plus they realized their mistake and I'm glad they did it"

"You're right, but what if they liked each other the whole time while they were married to us? That's the kind of things you started to second guess, right?"

"Yes and you shouldn't ask yourself that kind of questions because it'd make you lose your mind, believe me. The most important thing, like I said, is that now they realised their mistake, you're here with her and everything is like it should be. Don't torture yourself thinking about something that happened a very long time ago."

"I guess you're right" He simply answered his friend. "But don't you think they're spending too much time together? I mean we both know what happened the last time she and my best friend used to spent hours together"

"Derek, you trust Addison, right?" Naomi was expecting an answer from Derek but he just nodded "If you do, you have nothing to be worried about… But if you don't, you might need to reconsider this decision of moving here"

"I… I do trust her, it's because I love her and I don't wanna lose her again that I don't want something messing things up again… It's complicated" He confessed Naomi, she was the only person he could tell stuff like this because she was the only one who could understand exactly how he was feeling in that moment of his life.

"I do understand you… Why don't you talk to her about how are you feeling? I'm sure you'll feel better once you do"

"Have you talked to Sam? About this whole thing?" He asked curiously, he could notice that she still felt something for her ex-husband

"It's a totally different situation" She simply answered

"Actually it's not, it's the same… You should do something about it... you're gonna be sorry if you don't… Believe me"

"Derek, you are my friend and I really love you but Addison is my best girl friend, not you… So please stay away from my personal love life, especially when it comes to Sam. Okay?"

"Sure… I was just saying that I get how you feel… That's all"

"Derek" She looked at him trying to make him stop talking

"Sorry" He smiled at her. Naomi left him as she entered into the exam room to check on her patient

Later that day, Addison finally left the hospital after a successful surgery with Sam. After spending the whole morning and part of the afternoon with this patient they were finally back at the practice to continue with their day.

After going to the kitchen to get something to eat, Addison decided to go to Derek's new office to see him.

"Hey Dr. Shepherd" Addison greeted from the door, as soon Derek lifted his sight and noticed Addison was there he immediately stood up to kiss her

"Hey Dr. Montgomery" He greeted back

"I just came back from the hospital, I've spent all day there… And I realized that I haven't seen you all day" She said with her arms around Derek's neck

"You did well" He said, smiling

"So, what are you up to?" She asked him sitting in the couch on Derek's office as he sat next to her

"Well I was about to go to find Amelia... apparently she needs a consult in a case she got this morning… How about you? How was your day at the hospital?"

"It was good, Sam and I operated, the patient is stable now"

"That sounds good… I was wondering, what are you gonna do tonight?"

"Well, I think I'll have a date with this gorgeous guy I'm dating, he has great hair, you know?" She joked as Derek laughed

"Sounds like you're dating a great guy, Dr. Montgomery"

"He is, actually. Thought he's kinda arrogant but it's okay… Nothing I wouldn't deal with" Derek kept laughing but this moment was interrupted when someone entered into Derek's office

"Uh- Addison, I got paged from the hospital, the need us there" Sam told Addison "Hey Derek" He turned around to greet him

"Sam" Derek greeted back

"Sure, I'll go there… Can you wait a minute? You're my ride" She told him smiling

"Okay… I'll wait downstairs" He agreed and left

"It seems like I have to go… I'll see you tonight then?" She asked Derek, she wanted to stay there but the patient came first

"It's a date… I'll probably go there early with Amelia since today we're working together"

"See you tonight then"

After she left, Derek couldn't help but think about his conversation with Naomi. He told Addison he was okay with all that. But he really wasn't and now it seemed like everyday they were working together and it didn't help

"It bothers you" Amelia entered into his office right after Addison left

"What are you talking about?"

"Come on, Derek. I'm your sister… You know I know you… It bothers you that Addison is working with Sam all the time… It's okay, if my ex-wife now girlfriend worked with her ex-boyfriend a.k.a one of my oldest friends I'd be mad too"

"You're annoying, you know?"

"Yup… But I'm right"

"Yeah… I already talked to Naomi about it, she thinks I should tell her how I feel about it"

"And you should, though she'd kill you for pretending you were okay with it when you are obviously not"

"What? Why do you think so?"

"You wanna know what I really think?" Amelia asked, knowing her brother wouldn't like what he was about to listen

"If I say no you're gonna tell me anyway… So tell me"

"You know how much I love you two and I think you're amazing together… I wish I could find someone to have the kind of relationship you two have… Saying that, I think you've hurried things up to be together… Like moving to LA, work in the same place, leaving Meredith… Everything in less than one month"

"Now I get why people here always tell you to filter"

"You're my brother and I wanna help you"

"No Amy, you really need to filter and start to mind you own business and stop to try to fix other people' life instead of working on your own!" He told his sister trying to stay calm "Now, we're gonna talk about the patient or you want to stay there?"

xx

That night Derek went to Addison's house and she wasn't there yet. He only found Amelia, who was still living there. They had dinner waiting for Addison and after eating, they started to drink the wine Derek had brought for them. After waiting for about two hours, Addison finally came back to her house. Both of them thought she'd forget about Derek that night.

"Derek, I thought you were at your place by this time" Derek simply looked at her and didn't say anything

"Well, I'm going to my room… I'm filtering" Amelia left before Addison and Derek started to have an argument

"So, that's all you're gonna say? You got me waiting all night, you didn't show and that's all you can say" Derek asked her as she sat on her couch

"Look, I don't wanna fight, not tonight okay? I'm sorry I should've called you"

"Yes, that's the least you could have done... so I wouldn't have ended up having a romantic dinner with my little sister"

"Derek, what do you want me to say? I lost the patient I worked with all day… So Sam took me to have some drinks"

"Oh… you were with Sam?"

"Yes, you know I get attached to some patients and this one was one of them"

"I'm sorry… So, Sam took you to a bar and that's why you got me waiting for hours?"

"Yes, is there something wrong with that?" Addison asked arching an eyebrow, she was really getting tired of Derek getting mad every time she told him she was with Sam

"Oh, no… It's perfectly fine! I just felt curiosity" He answered, lying

"Damn it, Derek… Let's just be honest for just one second! When I told you about me and Sam you said that it didn't matter, that it was okay, that it was the past… But you rub it on my face every time you have the chance… Just tell me it annoys you!" She began to raise her voice

"Wouldn't it bother you? Knowing that I had a relationship with someone you thought was one of your dearest friends? What if I had tried a relationship with Naomi? You would be perfectly okay with that? Wouldn't you start to second guess everything?" He asked her, also raising his voice. He had finally spoken, telling her how he felt about this whole thing

She didn't answer, she knew Derek was right, she would hate him forever if he would ever don something like that. But she only shook her head

"You can't be serious" She simply said

"I am, I can't stop wondering, what if he'd have asked you out back then. Would you have chosen him over me?" He questioned

"He did and I said no, I said no because I was completely in love with you"

"What if you had said yes?"

"I didn't"

"But what if you had? We wouldn't have shared all the wonderful moments we had together"

"Derek, nothing ever happened back then… What happened between me and Sam was a long time ago while you were living happily married with your perfect twelve-years-old… So you don't get to be mad at this"

"That's funny, you're here telling me that I should get over your relationship with Sam when you can't get over my relationship with Meredith"

"Seriously? Are you actually saying that? That's completely different, in case you forgot the fact that you cheated on me with her!"

"Oh, let's not talk about cheating, Addison"

"Oh my God, I can't believe we're having the same fight again! Okay, so I cheated, you cheated… Good times!"

Both of them stayed quiet for one moment until it started to become awkward

"You should have told me this when I first told you about this story" She said, calmer now as he sat next to her "What happened to us? I mean few weeks ago we were like a couple of teenagers, really happy because we were finally together again… And now look at us, these last few days we've barely seen each other and when we do we're fighting"

"I don't know" He responded "Maybe Naomi and Amelia are right"

"What did they say?"

"They think we hurried things up to be together… They think we should have taken more time to figure it out"

"Do you think they are right? Do you think that we wanted to be back together again so badly that we didn't even notice that?" She asked Derek, having a drink of the glass of wine he had on his hand

"I don't know, I mean, I do wanna be with you and I do love you"

"I love you too" She completed while Derek put his arm around Addison

"But… I don't know, I got shot and I saw my whole life flashing before my eyes. I knew that I didn't want to be in Seattle anymore with those people. I knew that I wanted to be here with you… So moving seemed the right thing to do"

"I think we never actually let our relationship heal with the damages we made on the past… We just walked away from each other" She confessed

"What do you think we should do?" Derek asked Addison, holding her hand as she just looked at him shaking her head, she had no idea of what to answer

* * *

**A/N:** What do you think? What should they do? Please don't kill me for ending this chapter there... Other thing is this story is coming to its end, probably I'll write three maybe four more chapters of it... I'll try to update this ASAP...


End file.
